another highway

more hide outs

new ways to express pain

I'm just high now

batteries dead

looks like I cant drive now

my light still shines

probably from all the acid in my spine still

still life pictures of thrills

still off some pills now

a whole goblet full of coffee

shes still snappin stills...Im still pouting some how

pass me the peace pipe

I wont feel like dying now

ground littered in nothing

my ocd still holding on somehow

touchdown

somewhere in the cheeseburger nebula.

glass full of scotch.

cigar full of indica.

Sprinkled lights on the river into Gotham

The kids are snorting coke while I’m eating

Xanax and sipping promethszene and codeine

Out of jones sodas

I’ve been haunting the streets for weeks again

Just contemplating s begging and an end

To the novel I’ve been working in

**‘I hate when “authors say this”

I’m a renaissance man in remission again

The whole scene feels bothersome

But praise Allah & opium bowls

I’ll see you again the tax doesn’t collapse me

Again

Smoking blunts out of a screen door

Bored with the way that I’ve come up

Need more work on being less wholesome

We’ve all grown some

I think I’m a monster to most

But most of the time I’m just too high to zone

All this work got me feelin like scum

Only because I haven’t moved one single

Crumb

Meet me where the sun sets over lady bird lake…that’s where I’ll feel wholesome

(I hope)

1 note

Lost in your eyes .

Another night of

You & me

and a bottle of wine

Soothing the whines

that bellow from

the comfort of this air mattress

Another night rambling

More moments scrambled together

Nice weAther // a body prepared for

Winter

I wish it was summer again

Never tethered …as if I ever have been

I wanna be a star jammer

More than just a mortal man

But god damn these years

These plans

They all just run together

And it all de materializes in my writhing grasp

Gasp*

This stupid son of a bitch is as it again

Nothing but movement

Ruthless with the way he misuses

However one amuses the term

Maybe I’ll see Valhalla again

Until then I’ll be awake

Dreaming of my life being taken again

All I’ve listened to lately is STp

And weiland died today

And I really feel the same way

That I did yesterday

Numb to the ever present ugliness

Like light was but a dream

And those who’ve had a taste

Are either dying inside or shining too bright
You know what I mean?

she asked

“What have you eaten today”

She asked

“Some xanax and codone”

She stared at the placemats

I felt like a happenstance

Happy mirage

A mirror of what you think is exciting

Opposed to what you now have to accept as “reality”

She keeps her wealth a secret

I flaunt my poverty

Obviously each other’s flaws are seen

“What do you want out of life”

She sips another glass of wine

“Time”

The only worthy thing that came to mind

“But what do you mean?”

Finally intrigued

“The ability to not have to explain or do anything”

I leave…we hug…I write till my eyes bleed and I fall asleep on another couch somewhere in the south because my intentions speak volumes to the things I seek

the perks of being a fall flower

I see the wind whip threw my tree riddled city
Drip drip drip
The pitter patter of realitivley
I put on a ski mask with holes worn into the neck and chin area
Sparing the hypothermia that will ultimately rid me of this ethereal fear
Peer in to my soul
Is it merely piers or oceans
Maybe the Marionic trench
Doomed to repeat history
To stupid to say anything about it
Another night on a couch somewhere in Brooklyn
These crooklyn dodgers are fathers in the sense that their always learning
Teaching
Manifesting a new state of being
I’m not dead yet
But I sure as fuck am bleeding
But this cooperstone won’t run
And the kids are no fun if they can’t operate guns or do drugs
This is our america
A nation of pirates and parrots
Nationalism and tariffs
This is my nation
And it burns this Black Friday

roll through cities with no doubt in my eyes

try as I might,these lines give greater purpose to life

quiet monday night madness while I snort lines

& she just lies the whole time.

I seem to have missed winter

but its still cold in my heart.

survival is beauty & pain

just as much as its an art.

formulate these cries with me

dead city dreams...all capitals

like FEAR & LOVE

compounded wisdom into pretty packages of judgement

this is not my last stand

I'll be ready to break bones by the time we're done here

(what have we done here)

a graceful parachute from heaven

grateful in death.

its like we've become deaf

bountiful in debt...yet I cant remember giving a single loan.

these scars are my home

these cars,punk houses & penthouses are my hope

that one day I can feed,shelter and clothe all who need more

but I have to do that for myself first.

bi polar abridged

less depressants / more wisdom

my molars grit

is this the gift in the lesson?

in a garden

of flowers

& yet I still find

myself looking

at you

drive slow

mind rolls

the whole goal

is perfect soil.

foundation to grow

a pledge to stay loyal-

photographs of home

nurtured moments of growth where we toil.

I feel like I'am spoiled

your love is a token

I only need one for the road...

it seems as if our love is boiling

spoiling in time trials and royalty

I expect aesthetics

coughing up lungs like we need paramedics

all these plans foiled.

so I smoke another foil

tell stories to the moils

churned about churches which recoil

like the cock back of this gun...no protection...just an escape route from the slums

stuck on the thoughts of us

plush memories so robust

& yet...here I am...alone

without trust.

no funds.

no monthly installments

the only help is from people who love me

so Im enthralled in it.

this is the pain in poetry

this is the gut punch that is art

all of my heart on this silver platter

just enough memories to never give up.

its like everyone has

except a few kids Im caught up with

lost in the duldrums...another product of lust

learning how to roll with the punches

I feel like a hearld of galactus

holding the power cosmic

silver surfer of the rust

the rest is just rushed.

meet me under the bridge

we’ll share a spliff

tell each other what we’ve lost

what we’re willing to give

even if its just minutes

your spirit is a bridge

mine is a glimpse

of what came before and what lives

I hope you wont miss me when Im gone

Ive been numb for so long

watching the river drip along

writing you these little songs

I hope they play like sonnets

something youd read like scripture

because these perscription drugs have me lost

waiting for sunset just to toss & turn till dawn

I used to feel like a pawn

now its more like bishop

but Im still willing to give myself

in hopes of the betterment of the board.

I hope youre not bored

getting this snail mail...reading these words

its like we're worlds apart

when your just down the road.

I know Im quiet

but you make my gentler murmurs roars

I wont quit

I was built to better the world...nothing more

lifes a weird dream again

I dont know as if to question

or remain one with the flow

so it goes.

I dont have any fear anymore

I feel 16

but its been ten years

and a lifetime of mistakes cherish me like an heir.

careful blood loss

words lost

coffee pots

times when I could not process thought

punch drunk

dumb luck

and some friends

I really dont deserve

curvy roads in the mountains

poetic bouts above the river

southbound I travel

until I reach the equater or the southern rim.

chaufer

passed out in a passenger seat

driven around the city,asleep

wake me up at the cemetary

we'll go find a gravestone to smoke underneath

I'll meet you at the doorstep of my reality

"if you understood everything I said you'd be me"

miles from the ocean,more so from the mountains

on the foot of a river bleeding east.

I had no more lovers.

just some grams & a little weight I stayed underneath

no more scales

these eyeballs will get the better of me.

light sensitivity

lower back strains

I woke up in another bed,in another state

again.

all this traveling is just the beginning

I fear it has no end.

home is the road

its the only place I can react

I slumber amongst theives

people out of touch with the end of their fingertips

as long as their palms stay full of nothing

constant hustling just leads to championship repeats

but we're talking about practice

and evil ways just to make ends meet

like everybodys meat

and a couple calls mean everything.

anxiety.

paranoia.

their all for me.

its all for me.

Im far from meek

but I can swallow teeth

sometimes land a 3 piece

sometimes I just stand their and say nothing.

just let the sharks swim

and let the fish eat.

one ear to the ground

the other with a 9mm shoved into your peace.

reactions mean nothing if you cant sleep

and if you can

well then godspeed

because hell is full of wine & cheese.

I keep finding myself alone

never far from my home

its in my chest

in my bones

poems rattle out of this shakey cough

without a plot

like if I could talk again,itd start a walk

one that turned into a jog across america

I think it scares us

the people you still cant see

who am I to encouarge me

I still haunt these city streets

like the portrait of an old fool

its as if my love were but a clue

back on my feet again

Its as if I never knew

come/sleep/dance in dreams with me

tell me how to breathe

so I can live again.

Overwhelming thought

Of a whimsical nature

No prophets,only profits for

Pay scales

I kept the change jar rumbling

As if I had something to say

Meet me in my dreams or breathe

Away the days

I think I’m falling asleep

At least I pray

It seems I’m getting more religious

In an indirect way

“Let me witness to you”

Let me see as I’ve seen through

Blue lakes I was born to lose

Maybe my next life will be beautiful

Copper pot eyes and weekends I lost faith

Moon set over the mountains and the bay

But not tonight

The country lay in waste

I feel upstaged/glorious patriotism on display

Discouraged that I could never see things in such ways

I just take people at their word

For what is the world if I can’t hear it

Sing its pain

If I lose humility

Then I am faithless

If I lose humanity

I can become faceless

These words act like a taste of destruction

How one can become misplaced

Yet as a mere act of self preservation

We become innate with not only our actions

But our paces

In spaces i sparkle

Sometimes I’m dim

It all truly depends on the moments in which I live

Aren’t we all but rotating souls

Hell bent on setting goals to feel

Some adaptation of normal

Or anything at all?

As I loose myself

I trust in the fall

These broken bones will keep me

True to my faults

timberwolf blitzer

needed a spritzer and some seltzer water

I imagine them in a garder

what are gender roles anyway?

I think I saw myself in a negative space

some sort of safe zone

stay out of the cancer verse

richard ryder of the poetry.

I wanna go supernova

malpedi and I are sharing our home

which happens to be a bench at the moment

a pinch of magic in the are…another evening at innisfree

a simple love note to boulder

Im getting older

but that dosent mean I cant

always fall in lust

my days are spent in bookstores

& libraries/

life is merely absorbsion .

I keep hoping to find more of myself

in these stories...portions

portraits of my many facades which torture.

I spent the better part of my youth

wrestling with concepts

more so I was afraid to realize them as others truths.

I used to be a muse

then I was missused

so I attempted to do the same...but now I understand these blues.

genetics

circumstance

and kisses from you.

If I was to never win

then I wouldnt understand

how important it is to lose...a wild heart on the loose.

I keep finding myself alone

never far from my home

its in my chest

in my bones

poems rattle out of this shakey cough

without a plot

like if I could talk again,itd start a walk

one that turned into a jog across america

I think it scares us

the people you still cant see

who am I to encouarge me

I still haunt these city streets

like the portrait of an old fool

its as if my love were but a clue

back on my feet again

Its as if I never knew

come/sleep/dance in dreams with me

tell me how to breathe

so I can live again.

serenity is ministry

simple coincidences

I see you like 17th century paintings

dark with renaissance in your symphony

I have valium rattling around my skull

watching the spike of art as epiphanies

like everything I inject has soul

so blessed to have a fear of needles though

others don't

I watch belts hang around their arms

I guess its better then their throats

probably the same difference I suppose

I see her as the morning sun glows

and my kidneys rumble from the tussle of the night before

every drink feels like a water hose

every speck of sunlight reflects like a rainbow

I know where the pain goes

right where you need it too when the moon glows

that's why we stare into the sun

just to feel something...anything for once

I sit here drained from all the drugs that Ive done

but they've all led me to the poignant muse

life isnt beautiful if its misused

sacrafices of the un-bloomed

I was born to consume

die

and fuse right back into the gloom

and destitude...love is but the truth...as lust is the movemnent

meet me in the restroom

will snort lines

and tell each other what makes us love fear

what makes us fear love...what binds us to human

headbutt 2k-o

mild recognition

years worth of mistrust

I think its worth a few bumps

I just hate thinking this much.

I see these lessons as a must

solid punches to the gut

that catholic guilt I still somehow encompass

baptist hate.

what makes an "I"...its like I'am continually rediscovering my eyes

see things in every color imaginable...not just black and white

I fight for places to sleep...for things to eat

some times even the darkness has alot of light

these are the things I say to me.

I'm not weak

at least I dont think?

but you can never be to sure

so why blink?

my friends drink,sometimes I join in if I feel lonely

sometimes Im the responsible one who gets everyone home

but mostly

Im the one who dissapears into the night...alone

I guess thats just the way it goes..

stay hydrated

paper-cuts

in this paper town

with girls in gowns

resembling paper dolls

before fall comes down.

It's been a summer...

I feel blessed to have seen one more

I don't fear the resent I have anymore.

accepted,dismissed & with a bored eye to "news" stories

the warnings...that is more so how they word the world

Its warming up

so ominous and on every front & fact

so much beauty I barely keep my brain intact

but my heart does most of the talking /

leading.

breathing

as I look obscurely into the night

a beating thought so freeing

as if feeling had suddenly

become an act of being

rather than a way of seeing...scattered paint as thought

famish fashion

geeked up

writing while my nose runs

I can barely feel my body

I think this is where I come

when all my sadness turns to roses

bouquet's streaming out of water hoses

women in their Sunday best vomiting rainbows

Gods waiting tables

and hes only visited the table once...at least there's menus & water tho

I think my whole life's a venue with ominous undertones

like whats the point in acting true

if the reality you encompass

isn't perceived to be what people believe is TRUTH

its so hard to wrap my head around the "news"

even word of mouth is confusing

its like I need to see the viciousness

cars mangled and burning

it so hard to figure out sometimes if IM becoming more or less human

whats worse I don't know if Im concerned

I'm wide awake...its almost morning

and the worst is...I don't know what all this mourning is for

no snow town

having a method

one of those extreme mirages

like this whole fads a facade

I like to brag alone

tell myself its going to be purposeful

I listen to the outside world like it cheerful

beams & late summer tourists

but there is death on our borders

and it only seems to get more buried in national news

Im not even sure any I encounter has a clue

my only true hope is for a counter culture revolution

in really whatever sense it means at this point

because our mother is dying // we all have her eyes

such simple changes...so little time

so many things have set in motion

but we must act

fact is I can barely follow myself to the sea

higher ground is the only thing that seems to be of good reason

sometimes you just have to drive fast at night

because accidents happen to the ones who are scared of risks

I feel at times it is my only action...my only release

I think it was those LSD binges

the fringes of society

sobriety

in a multi dimensional applied science theory

Prescription junkies

probably started in fourth grade

all the concerta & ritalin

some of moms pain medication...I just liked feeling different ways

I never really paid for anything

even in high school thanks to all the wonderful people who filled my day

hotboxed f150...marijuana brunches...the heart of north Texas...smoke filled lungs

so many exs

some "oh yeahs"

a lifetime of growth

& yet Im still besieged my pride & privelage

such is the death of assimilation

such is the moment of clarity

but again it comes a little to similar to the past

so again,we learn where we begin

where we end

what has been taught

which string has been cut

I see the sunlight with half shut eyes

dreaming about fixes

elixers

bricks & chickens.

micro climates that beg constant attention

applied requirements

I wanna be in pittsbugrh again

smoking joints and throwing rocks at trains around the bends

but it seems like we rarely win

ive never been one to sink to the bottom

to believe this is an end

I see nothing in having my wits...theres only time and energy...by god I hope it forgives

I feel you in my skin

like a warmth sinking in

I wish you were here to sin

itd be heaven to me

you're are an example

I see how hard you push yourself

it makes me want to try take a lead

but it isnt compitetion...its paitence even

like im learning from you

even from a telescope

Im combing for hope

that our paths again intervene

I cant even date other girls

it just wouldnt mean anything

and why hurt someone when

you know where your heart leads

I know how mine beats

war drum like

dreams of 13 hour drives just

for a night.

Why fight while your dying

That’s reserved for the living

Giving your heart and soul

How ever intimate however intensly

I feel love immensely

Like it litters my bones

I feel the wolds grip

Is it it rides in my bones

I speak on the phone intently

It’s so hard to be phony with trust

I need to know your with me

I expect you to get up

Fight with me

Tire with me

Die with me for all I care

But if you make it out alive…tell my story

Make sure it’s fair

And God damn fuck making any fare

This is how bears eat

From ever flowing river streams

xxxoxxx

I'm tired of the re-image

I need something new

but beyond doubt

I want something true

free interest ,simple ruin

valued points of referance

MLA cited

a testament to a theology known as being useful

I'am a muse in a wormhole

a whole lot more knowledge than soul

fractions of a cent to create a whole

holes in the head of the world

subtle nuances get rendered putrid

profit sharing, serendipity in this larynx

humble options, God and country

like were all the same man.

God damn these sentances...saeances in some senses

splintered reality within distance

criminal in its gimmick...press me with these simple ministries

like I was molded in the sun...like I was a perfect symphony...exsponged

this exo skeleton is a home...its hope...like a single sunflower in overgrowth

100 milligram's of morphine, 1 milligram of Xanax

two swisher sweets, a nice girl reading comics on my bed

in nothing but spandex

I didn't plan this...shit just happens

I'm thinking of going with lyric to Japan during winter

or maybe just go to the UK by my lonesome

DH encouraged it

pretty much everything that kid thinks is a grand slam.

I'm getting Flex or 50 to mail me some of their imperfect glass

I think I'm about to be homeless again anyway

if that's the case I'll at least need a sturdy piece to take dabs

stay hidden from the camera flash

Its such a splash,everything Ive done...tiny ripple drowned by the sun

I live off of cash...mostly go to the bank to talk to the teller

I never tell her anything Ive done...just flirt like Lewis did

like grandfather //// like son

I tear through the evening with this heaving lungs

I'm just happy I haven't come undone...yet

and that all I receive is in some way a debt

to the universe

to the blood that's been shed

I see the orb in my chest again

as if it tugs me in a predetermined location

I close my eyes and let it bend my will again

my biggest fear is that its so much easier to give in.

I read more burroughs as the mushroom burgers on the grill sizzle & spit

I remember years ago...in orlando...feeling like time had split

I think that was the moment it wasnt my choice to give up nor in

that this fire in my belly was lit by billions of candles...as the world spins.

I left it all on some subway car

in queens...sometimes sunrise gets the better of me

losing all hope in Laguardia...like it ever meant anything

I believe it just hinged on a resemblance of belief

I’m back in Denver,years later

still going over what you meant to me

mean

whatever I'm trying to say is just array.

I see the error of my ways was being so brutally honest

when your reality was nothing but truth

you needed something to latch on that was larger in scope then a promise

and much less than a God...a firm belief in an equal who could see as you saw.

I hope you’ve found that

I think I have,but I now understand whats at hand

why everything has been so hard...

how people never leave,they just re appear when things seem hardest

except you...and I hope its not because you think I didnt accept you

you are everything that is beautiful in a human at once

but the forest is a dark one...we all have burdens to bare

I don’t scare very easily...neither do you

I think that’s why we move the way we do

peoples instinctive travels and routes

I hope I see you again...on the other-side of the world...happy in the light you shine so magnificent...being whom you are...doing as you do

write a whole master of works

just to watch them burn

a whole multitude of progress

practice is church

I think I see myself in the sunrise

so full of hope & anticipation

I fancy myself a mountain range

so stable,only eroded by the rivers & rain

In this I take solice

like no fears could ever consemate

not while I breathe

not as this pulse in my heart beats

I drink my cups of coffee over a few graphic novels

quietly as the day creeps

I believe I was made for this.

"how frightning" I think.

my extremities were worn thin

If I had a dime for every time I was in a tail spin

& did a perfect somersault with a dramatically late parachute release

winter is coming…might as well douce everything in bleach

I prefrance

this isnt all about myself,just mostly its my main concern

Im unceartin about the future…to say the very least Im burning

alive…like an atom bomb to light a camp fire

I fear no closure

just mere release

mushrooms at dawn

alone on a 14.

I think it was what I saw when I finally drove home

all points come and everything glows.

everything dies.

it is of the universe.

K.O.S / divine intervintion

maybe its all intention

maybe I’ll see truth in another dimension

its just so hard sometimes to envision whom one is

i write as the dew drops cover my window

such is the morning...another day of innuendos

my influence has never been

but from the look in her eyes,you wouldnt say thats the end.

some sort of wonderful start

a heart to chart

tattered and torn-varnished

like "baby...we've become real art"

and her movements are subtle

I hover around like the hubble

watching her twist to the symphony

that is her mind...a quiet,delicate shrine

much like mine but pumped full of doubts

by those who stand on the sideline and pout

its like all these routes pulled me in directions

of final movements & later,resting places

like Ive been infected with this overwhelming sense to do good

yet for others

a mere morning...staunch views

sips of coffee like we need another vice to abuse

& all the while,I sit on the edge of forever...just waiting for you.

I imagine a moment

one where we're perfectly in love

somehow in the same space

just dying in each others arms.

Im just living to see you

thats how it feels some days

theres never enough valium

there is never enough pitch or release

I miss you but it seems like Im where I need to be

and your living your dream

so this divine comedy just plays on.

Im reading dante in a bathtub full of essential oils

& epsom salt

I think about you like this corpse flower blossom

impossible & within reach....a once in a lifetime thing.

Im glad youve been criss crossing the country

it makes my heart sing / reminds me I need to be doing the same

someday I'll finally learn and stop preaching

Im just reaching to be a better person...and you are the poem of a century my darling

let me listen

first let me remember

let me kiss you

itll be like last november

when we laid around and pretended

that some sort of love existed

then may

and now the leaves are changing again

your somewhere in brooklyn

Im wandering around on the side of a mountain in breckenridge

I think it was tempting to forget you

but the beauty of the decent back into the city

clicked me into reality

like none of this could really ever give me memories

epiphanies

glistening somewhere listening in the sun

to your heart breathe as I lay on your chest

and you tell me with everything you hate about the world...everything you love

I muster up enough courage to still throw punches

hold nothing back but suffrage

I mean I have been a wise man

I have been loveless.

I ride the light rail

and thumb rides from kids I know

this time and space is good for right now

but soon itll be time to go...I just hope she feels it as much as I did when my heart went supernova

slowly dying

I realize that the beauty

is in how people hold you in their memories

not in the factual lives you constructed

sacrificial brick

I honestly could tear out one of my teeth right now and be fine with it,I think its the feeling in the air; the illustrious,imaginative and naive. I want all of this to mean nothing...but everything does,and you always seem to end up exactly where you need to be (same as me) so I feel like its a "meant to be" thing. You mean the mint to me. I see the glint in your eyes when we speak...meet me on some random beach,whenever you feel like you need it. We can continue to sprint to really wherever you wanna go. I just wanna be sacrificed as the GOAT. Not for fame,nor riches...just my soul. Martyr complex I guess since Im the son of two ministers...I just needed a master splinter,so I became my own. No more poems...not at least until I get a secondary phone. Blow a check on trying to come home to a full refrigirator,blow the rest on trying to feel better...play your hand close to the chest. Poker face,like I could ever give a damn...cheat like some of the best. I remember me and my boy Tittle sitting around eating chicken breasts in Austin sometime in 2011...hes the one who made me believe that I could make all these bullshit hobbies into something...that this life is more then capitalisim and nuclear families. Though I hope bits and peaces of both concepts still exist...such a divine comedy this life is...reading dante in a bath tub...life always in a state of flux. Quoting Lao Tzu at a friends kids birthdays...I wont be 26 till I grow wiser...this soul is so old...space is so cold...thank glob I have a muse,or I dont know where the fuck Id grow. Never take me as anything you should daily. I feel polluted like the ganges...but still in a state of pristine tranquility. Life and its fratility. Strife and its futility. I'll sleep in this garbage can if need be,at some point itll be a pint house...then a pent house. Then back down to some reality I can really latch on to...make sense of...all or really any of this. Jesus,if I couldve always been in this dream...in some sense I have (multi verse theory) clearly,my head is in the trees. Lets burn another why dont we? I know these surrealistic pillows will lead me back to these theories...like "little nemo"...like I was born again and didnt know anything. Put me out...pull me in...I wanna see where things really lead. The good ol days just start descending out of me...cascading on the facade of these LSD trips and drug binges...knee deep in the trenches...this drug war seems boundless,insurmountable and palpable. I really believe that everyone should have a say...no matter their sociatel construct,creed or faith....we've forgotten so much how we're all one and the same. I think I understand what this decades shaping up to create...today...I realized how much Im in love with you...and how much we will have to accomplish...what we will have to do...freedom...the only thing I can truly feel good about dedicating my life too. freedom to choose...freedom to loose...freedom to run until you dissapear...live with the guilt of what youve done...or move on...or dont feel anything at all...God is seemingly,increasingly what we want to believe we make it...when its just the enviroment and interactions that surround and shape us. Bless us. Test us. Infect us with love for one another. God,I hope Im not going nuts...but we probably all are...here on the out skirts listening to grizzly bears...I figure Ill take several more turn...loose all Ive earned and get it back tenfold. Sometimes you just have to have feelings things will work out. jerk around and fall asleep somewhere on cold pavement (which is scarce these days)...its been the first time in month I havent felt like IM betraying thought...just oppositions...intuitions...feelings from women I could never recipricate. I guess such is being a sociopath...seeing things in your own way. Tuck the pain,down...far,far away. I mean,listen to the way you hate...its a pretty good indication in the time and thoughts youve lost. I think im trapped in the belly of a cosmic whale just drifting along...and all the while I was wrong...about God,the universe...love...their all one...dosent mean I cant nurse this earthly body with any drug I see fit...such a split in wits...such a tizz

fuck

whats a boy to do

except sit around

get higher than the moon.

no plans

just some flan & a cacoon

empty rooms-broken ceiling fans

haunts of a past binge of some fall afternoons.

regale me of your sins

tell me what makes you brake

what helps you bend

sifting through rubble in the space time continuum

I was about 12 when I learned what being a shit head is

wanted to steal some pokemon cards so I did what it does

no one ever found out so I perfected my craft into what Ive become

mostly lines...sometimes clones...mostly new ones...better ones / same concept tho.

duck

whos off that boy tho

rig around

burn brighter than the sun.

Ive lost so many friends & brothers...but thats another note

I just decided to write till I turn blue

even if its tomorrow afternoon

I havent started thinking like a loser.

all this work and yet still we'll look back like nobody knew

because they didnt...because their scope was limited to grooves

sure persistance makes rivers

but alchemy & magic potions make oceans and nebulas bloom

its all blurred out

I cant speak

it was like a month ago

I think

I realized I was selfish

smug,drugged out

half alive

reaching for sleep

maybe someday

but for now there are comics to read

blunts to be steamed

strings to be plucked...wings to be swung

I think about it all to often

I just want the coffee to steep

time feels like a coffin

one with velvet lining...a mock up of speech

a question of writhing

how far do I let it go

is it pride or is it a downfall

either way...further I grow.

2k15

Im not even sure what to write anymore

its like I just want to yell

but that'll lead to jail more then likely

hell,I should only be so lucky

how humbling I am

though I still deal with poverty

its more so untrust of a system

I'am not systematically oppressed like my friends.

Its like Im on a binge

I mean I guess I technically am

but technicalities are fallacies

balancing acts of man

one with the most chips win

fish on the hook end.

I cant say it all without ever

putting it down in a sentence.

Thats how tense it is

the tip of the proverbial lips

some want to kiss

some want to hit...such is the give and the get

yet getting with the time

theres less wits...in all senses

there is most ceartinly an end

but its nessicary to a means...the tree of liberty must be refreshed

with the blood of tyranical men...women

these pens can only pierce ears,doldrums

we need it to beat like war drums

like its fucking 2015

I want to travel the galaxy...not debate the socicatal constructs which plauge

yet to say nothing is just as damning as having a part to play

so I will scream until my very last day

there will be nothing vauge

because implications have become far too great.

miracle mountains

bountiful triumphs

meet me in the middle

some where in lyons

we can read lines

dye our hair

I dont think Ill die here

itll probably be outside of america

strung out on love with a woman

whos been more beautiful then Ive ever imagined

then I ever believed could exist

I wish you were here

wed sip wine and talk until we dissappeared

in each other eyes

each others thighs

I need you in my life

in any capacity

even simple messages

bless me....Im so glad I wasnt scared all those years ago to tell you that I love you

because I always do and always will

bound to have some scotch here

a question of etiquite as I pass

to I give the croch or the rear

anyway these planes have deers in headligts

head cases in tense high crisis moments

poems on faces of star crossed gazers

children everyone is pray shuts the fuck up even half the way

trees turn in big pushes as Im spirited away

most people plugged into the entertainment

Im just reading away...sometimes its my own

getting so frustrated I get up to use the lavatory

locked doors.

no need to be in here

just taking a breath from

a sensory overload

30,000 miles above calls for a toast

a xanax and barely any clothes

I mean who can see what your hiding under drgs

this baby carriage got stopped in line in front of me at the airport

that distracted...whomever...from the copius amounts of drugs

thank god for moments of clarity that lead to absolute deprivity

bent over like a nativity scene

lust line after line as these seem to be

maybe one day Ill enjoy every bit of life

but maybe making the best and living as you die

can be one hell of rise...if nothingnees...then nothingess is all

stationary

laying next to you baking in the heat

I just love the way you

smile at me.

I keep quiet

I know what all this means

but right now

its best not to speak

Just focus

do your thing

I'll keep walking

writing everything until it becomes sane

I hope I die a saint

not in a religous sense

just some marijuana stench

and someone whos memory makes you smile.

I dont ask for much

it deals with alot of denial

I dont crash that much

IM mostly up at night

I think Im happier when your here

but thats few and far between

so I think about it like an anchor

like no storm could ever tear me away from your peir.

Challenge yourself daily

Say,

“Could I have done this yesterday”

If not. Give yourself praise.

Be Patient with yourself

Mainly because your strengths encase

Your weaknesses

Know this is not a phase

It is a step towards painlessness

Not in the conventional sense

Of having all the things you desire

But to be fed,loved and warmed

By your fire

I am no preacher

Merely a child of the universe

I am no teacher

Just a soul on a similar course

I just need to be nourished

Like a house plant in the corner

Always soaking up the sun when I can
4 notes

lemme write again

I just need to listen

pray for the universe

pray for my wisdom

I am more than an instance

I am minutes...comprised of venom

latching on to the sudbtle wisdoms of the past

oh what a gas it must be to be so

half ass

in my mind Ive walked the path

had visions of a future

a lot less glamarous

a lot less long in the tooth

I lay in this booth

listening to the man in the pul pit

I wonder what it is

how much it takes to be truthful

how much it takes to

lie.

to believe in yourself

what you believe

consistently and all the time...

it seems almost like a dream sometimes

barely thinking

might as well write tho

wrenchs spin in the back

its like theres always something to be worked on

metaphorically/historically

mystery sourounds my aura confounding me

I think demons are hounding me

not in any negative sense...they just wanna chill withour boundaries

life is quite astounding

miracles witless without browsing

just stumbling apart

an open heart

stars chart my path

as planets illumanates my sky

everyonce ina blue moon

you can walk a whole night

workworkwork

watch the whole place burst

cant you feel it?

dont you know what its worth?

Its gonna be a good day

I say as it comes to a close

one more hour closer to waking up alone

one more lag from watching the whole place glow

maybe I say to much

sometimes its nothing at all

that in and of itself is of the world

dreams within the wear withall

call of the style

its like I dont care at all

maybe if I was more like robert frost

7 pages on nothing but blue berries...the fuck is that worth

maybe Im just to synical

dont believe in pinacles

just stipulations and rituals

hearts like a furnace

everything lacks feeling

even this guilt is fleeting

Ive been sleeping less & less

it soften the blows of coffins

more and more friends go

more and more I grow

into a state of blossoming

in may ways I feel opened

listening to velvet underground on the floor

I think this is how I always invisioned life

floating on an ocean

unaware of dangers of anything other then not eating enough

not being enough.

I just wish to love

spend hours lush in the overbrush

tussling with life cusped

I dont think of much but beauty

I think its this putrid reality that makes me yearn for soothing

sometimes I can even believe it dosent exsist

but the scene always ends...and actors exit stage left

its a mess...not always saying what you think

being who you are...if that even makes sense these days

scraping and clawing at success as if its some reward or gift

its interpretations of staying warm and cooked meals

drug deals & bible studies

hot showers and warm beds.

thats it...and I can get that on the road

no matter the city.

glitz and glammer feel more like hammers to the brain

a busted open solar plex

no light shining from it...no waves

new ways...sacred heartfelt goodbyes felt for days

if we only told time

peoples instinctive travels and ways

I think it was when I told her I loved her

that I realized some lines are better left unsaid

Im not worried about money

nor am I concerned with fame

If I die young,Ill be the one to blame

I sometimes pretend this is all a game.

I want to write on the thames

nothing to eat but cigarettes

Im ready to recede

go back to the way I used to live.

Ive found out what makes me tick

its like a pin from a grenade

joe peschi with the pen

just a couple swipes at the neck...dead

jokers in my card deck

just shootin craps

pretending to be wack in the sunlight

just outta greed to keep these facades intact.

I dont even know what I think

more alprozolam then I need

desires to be alive

whatever that means.

I can see alot of things

but I cant look inside

I cant give up because then I cant eat

& thats the diffrence I see...what do you seek?

I thought it something beautiful

This night that had begun

I saw hints of beauty

Glimpses of a setting sun

Off into the night obscurely

As if unfiltered and exuberant

I thought about it like stardust

Like everything had always been beautiful

I’ll see you next year

Maybe even next month

I hope you get what I’m saying

I need you to feel this love

Once this is undone

This whole bout with myself

Maybe we can be together

Maybe we can laugh...maybe we can see where each other are coming from.

Taking moments out of the day to do what I love

rarely do I hold anything above the lines I shove

relentlessly into thes compact drafts

so daft & alone...surrounded but lacking in company

selective truths in a state of ruin

I think it was when I turned ruthless

closed my mouth & began tuning nuances into routes less traveled

this brain just unravels

next morning. somewhere around eight

couple blunts rolled up and a skateboard

I think Ill make it down town

bum around

maybe meet someone of worth

everyone is

but in our individual journeys some are more important

I cant see the shore

some days I barely see the sunshine

may as well continue lurking

starving as I do what I love in the mean while

passed out under an empty sun

I don't think Im in "love"

at least in a conventional sense

virtues vital like viruses in remembrance

vertebrates reverberating

wave of emotions like coming in off the tide

titles & rings

I need to embrace this guilt...this sin...the cards Ive been dealt

melt with me darling

obscurely into the evening

tell me what makes your heart stop beating

your lungs stop breathing

I barely sleep as is

I find it soothing

being awake when no one is

perusing the dreams of the people surrounding

pounding so much valium its astounding

pondering such value...its confounding

all this pressure seems to be mounting

and by the morning I'll be in the mountains

fountains couldnt keep me from leaving

all this love is mere gifts Im receving

I may die this evening

such is the course...such is believing

I found hope in the dark

where I learned to be alone with my thoughts

smoke clouds drowned out by the haves

the have nots.

I gave it my all

all I got was this lousy tone

a couple throw away phones

& aliases for the future...whatever it holds.

A name carries weight

which is why it can help you ghost

I found hope in a prescription bottle

that werent my own...the get and the give.

the give and the take

all this sensory intake

it makes me think about my selective truths

the why & how in the pengillum breaks.

will I ever see venus

or will I die loaded in these fur coats

every sense of the word

past tense...tents on fire...lurid to the world

I have to go now.

as for the tears...I believe they'll slow

maybe when I find myself on an island-

hopelessly alone.

I feel like Steve Kerr

severed heads on an island of doubts

a stern look of pouts

(most topical creams couldn't rub it out)

I think this means Im filled with mouths

endless bouts I wrestle with now

always open / always feeding

miracles in motion

& yet it feels like Im teething.

seething for another way of being

don't stop believing..."Journey" plays softly over the evening

"now what the fuck was I teaching"

a flash to fourth grade...the first time I learned how to be brave.

meaning.

I mean it has to be here...some...where?

if not who would the religons save

how would we know that were laying waste to our tastes?

this city feels like a cave

mistakes made on maiden voyages of space

comfort...conformity

"I'll have my eggs over easy" ( I mean what the fuck does that even mean?)

back again to the screen...

moments wasted as finger tips clip their heels

Ill be home before I can even feel

until then I'll just cheel...its like each of these stories are reems.

why even play

when the opponent isnt setting screens

just another victory from the triangle offense

it seems.

convince me that Im not dead yet

tell me in portraits scribbled on manuscripts

paint it with your laranyx

as you scream out what couldnt entrench

I'am a vision

one you havent hammered out yet

begot by the feelings of tremors & retrospects

a broken heart so filled with contempt

you'll find me hanging by a picture above your bed

you can dream of me as that man or whatever Ive been lead too

as for now this heart is dead too

I just need to be fed...drink some coffee too

who knows?

I could be in brooklyn by afternoon

but that would only provide proof

that exactly whom we are we were destined to behoove

in my eyes I see the sweltering heat

the heart which beats

and the chariot whom leads...

not a damn truth follows me...I am a product of what I conceive

your heart is a cathedral

mine is a fort

youre so willing,honest & open

I'am nothing but walls & courts

judge me lest he be judged

awake in the frozen food aisle

the only thing I could convey

was trust.

miracle moments in the great haze

canadas on fire & the weather gets stranger by the day

its not a phase,more so a question of sorts

is what I breathe of ill importance?

"these pretzels are making me thirsty"

loose references so dated & boring

and yet the smiles I seek are so adoring.

I'm not perfect,but Ive never lied to you before...this feeling is too rewarding

mornings picked over a point so new

I think it was when I realized I had to create my own truths

be my own muse

that I realized you were a fuse...one that plays right into my blues

choose your own destiny

remind me of your touring

wording can be like warring

just as love can be tourturing

so again I sit here

lost in the mist

a bliss of folklore

and poof there it went.

I think about you hourly

like there is no power in me-

like I was built to love

& convey such feelings.

I'm still reeling

trying to find space to breathe

& once I finally catch up to my heart beats

it'll have spilled all my teachings.

you to me

are the embodiment of peace

my mind is a tundra where as yours

is a beach.

to have you within reach is my only dream-

you mean the world to me...

however far, however sacred

however succinct.

your touch is relief

just as much as our time is brief

-one day things will work out

in this I believe.

until then Ill send you morning musings

tapered lines of belief

& watch from a far,adoring

every inch & mile you receive...you're more beautiful then I could ever conceive.

isolated & surrounded

boundless thoughts so clouded

sleepless nights

as I turn & toss like mountains

glossed over memories

glimpses of loss

years I took from me

an apprentiance of God

grounded

and I use this term loosely

loose wires & my awareness

boosting

musings about abuse

truthfully

I dont find it amusing

but it is what I seem to view.

I feel like a piece of the luve

set ablaze

in the future I hope to see the brighter side of things

as for now I sleep the afternoons away.

its probably due to these drugs I use

just to make sure I dont have to do what I used too

but maybe thats truthful

deeper then Im ready to go...maybe its just time to grow

somethings are hard to put into words-

but I still write it out.

I know most people who smile brightest

have the biggest doubts...but your faith in me

is a blessing like a hand out.

Im so used to putting my foot in my mouth-

so easy to do when your from the south.

after all these bouts of depression,anxiety

and worrying about the space I house

the trust you showed me wiped away all my pouts.

I never once placed bets on myself

but now Im all in.

I feel confident,loved and appreciated...

and alot of that has to do with the clout in which you bestowed upon my head-

something I realize Ive always had now.

If I could write music for you I would.

if I could sing,I'd shout from my roof!

but as of now

I hope this poem serves as a thank you of sorts

because this would be shakey coming out of my mouth...routes are never linear...but simple acts of kindness can move mountains.

1983

prolific & gifted

narcissistic & pretentious

venting to a ceiling

another night unscripted

vicious adaptations of perception

no exception to the rule

on a cocktail of prescriptions

& I can still smell her perfume

like some sort of curse,some sort of truth

thrashed out trashed out,vomiting in a expensive ass hotel room

because where am I going to run too...the only next move

this country looks like a chess board

& all I have is a mattress and a chest of drawers

no credit,no paperwork,just spoils of war

alot of the time Im such a pacifist...I wish I hated more

sometimes I have so much hatred I just pray I dont hurt

prey to the eyes of the world

love in the eye of the storm

& here I sit...barred out and alone

thank God for flying lotus...or Id be more anxious to how this night would go

fuck poetry

fuck art

I vomit all these things I create

there is no "process"

you want explinations?

go look at the stars...

feel the pain in your heart

let that be a start.

theres never enough universes to chart

never enough bars for starts

anxiety riddled so I dont leave the house

but for walks...I'am a nebula...fuck more like a quasar

you can see me in the distance

but Im so much farther then I appear

luminous and dark

complex looks at the absence...and the abyss we compartmentalize

I wish i wrote like you

or you were here..to lay in the bed you gave me

it occupies an empty room

a full closet tho...just a sign of vanity...the social insanity...doom

I think I'm comfortable in misery

like some sort of ministry

I thought it'd be a mini series

but its season 9...and we're losing all meaning

I wish I spoke like you

focused and intentionally

I stand in the basement grow just to stay cold

just going insane casually.

You made me feel extravagantly

the first time my soul wasnt a graveyard

I wish I could clean up,be more honest...refrain from being so broken hearted

but I just cant understand whats happening to me...developing habits like I need a routine

down the rabbit hole

no concern of the future it seems

just some empty goals with dellusions of grander & gleems

and I just want to hold your hand in the aisle of some marketing scheme.

or just early morning meanderings

waking up next to you

only to lay there until late afternoon...

its been a long time since I've felt new...since Ive said what I said to you...since Ive had meaning

total eclipse

open mind /closed wounds

drifting...uplifting

I want people to succeed

this isnt how you bloom.

you need statistics and goals

blankets & open roads

lumps in your throat

skin off knuckles...composite notebooks full of poems...musings

teachings.

lots of youngins callin themselves Gods

but their in an old testament fog

Im chilling with prostitutes,liars & theives...calling myself love...ready to be flogged...reaching

In my eyes you've seen the last, lost the plugs

junkies have pasts...sometimes even futures but

boy oh boy

if I could only remain sober with consistiency...then there wouldnt be these feelings of inadequacies

I promised I would clean up, seeming broken hearted

watching dave hit the vein with the needled was how it started

or maybe Calvas apartment...he said: "but your an artist"

I guess I shouldnt be seeing this as my farthest

further as I travel

meanings unravel...all the answers lead to questions

they all have diffrent babble

same goals ////// never loose hope

but all these pills are just as bad as ropes

on my walk earlier today...I think about 3

I stopped and I talked to a man under a tree

in his 90 years he says,he never made money doing any one thing

but he was always happy...now these sunburnt arms in the quiet hours of early evening loose feeling

another beautiful day & yet it all still seems so fleeting...

maybe hes right

making myself happy is all that I can really dream..."when did you stop thinking like a loser"...

this afternoon,

it seems.

dead weight

solid 8

ok...maybe 5

alright I lied...like a 99

full manna

eating bananas

hanging upside down from power lines...

to be blunt...I enjoy being high...most of the time

maybe thats the problem

maybe I'm the one

maybe if I acted more like a script

this movie would play like the silver screen.

I play dumb,try not to scream

pretend to want somthing

I honestly just wanna eat

sleep

rhyme lines // snort time

fall asleep at your side

listen to your heart beat...make beleive everything will be "fine"

its all finesse

in fact as I digress as I see the degrees

the other variables I need

one cant become another without the stars & the sea

thrown overboard into an eagles nest

a night aloud.

I think I forgot how to rest

just put my heart into everything Ive found.

my guardian angel is a chubby,

floppy haired mexican kid

smoking blunts in an old pair of

shoes I gave him...reminding me to never give in...or up

all these rails got my nose runnin

my teeth look whiter due to all the blood bubbling

and for once I believe everythings gonna be O.K.

that my life wont be on the front...that this isnt the last jump

a first step really...a late leap

right before a long brunch

with the woman I love

and the stars still hovering silently,quietly above

I feel the hum of the universe

the alignments in play

I see the scope of the algorithims

and all the parts seem wasted.

I hope this isnt a plee

but a system without a basis in reality

somthing that works for me

chaos in this so called conformity

I am divinity

evil & good in contained space

I am masculine...I am feminine

the light & darkness which prays

I prey on those weak of heart

as if I had anything to say

defenitions vary

just as my studies day after day

just to clarify

I have never had clarity

just muddy portraits of dreams

peices of peace I wish to breed...reems of paper bookmarked with lost hair...broken teeth

maybe Ill never need again

all of earths provisions redeemed for me

"when did you start thinking like a loser?"

the first time I started to win...like some sort of belief

you texting to come

is really asking too.

12 o clock at night

I guess you've been thinking

of me too.

waste of space

its a cold dead heartbeat

that I feel out here in space

like all of this is a waste

or a way into a case

or vase.

I urn for a living

vivid mimicking

complacent honesty

with hints of

forgiving.

in no way is it ministry

but in every way is it death

rebirth

this infinite jest

"needle in the hay" plays...this is a deadly spread....hurt

asleep in a hurst.

think I'll cut my losses and hit the sands

my tired hands...blood cursed

infiite blossoms like a blue bonnet

might as well use 'em & toss em like its 2k15 in this dark verse...because it is

"When did you start thinking like a loser"

when I used her so I didnt have to work...

drank myself in a brothel made of granite

three dead fish on a doorstep- the work of hands

like some sort of omen...like some sort of planning...not rage

I guess as a planet I collect my sunlight & roll over when I can...stay out of the cage

but lately it seems Ive been floating delicatley

like the mirror is my page

the person I made has my back...

a risky wage...

unlike the snakes in this ever rising grass...common place these days.

I used to hang out with this kid who beat his mom to death

he went by JC.

a few weeks later some of old my coworkers were executed by another guy who used to

be the fry cook...just walked in & went on a shooting spree

some how master chef survived (shout out to the OG)...

they found homie in a park the next evening

sitting in his 98' ford ranger...just burning alive...

I think he survived tho...

I used to run around the country...thousands of drugs in the trunk of a Mazda Z6...

I was mostly surviving off LSD and burgers...sometimes Id throw up

mixing liquor with liquid hydrocodine...unafraid of growing up

fucking girls whos boyfriends werent around for the evening

be out early in the morning...shower covered in weeks worth of dirt

breakfast...and she throws me some of her clothes for the road...

I started putting feathers in my hair...panhandling by UVA,VCU

had one dude told me if I didnt give him his tax fed put me in an ICU

we shared ciagrettes and food...I gave him 4 dollars..."you good fool"

I remmember trying to sleep under overpasses in Baltimore trying to get to Pittsburgh

young jack kids planning...I can see the villian in their vibes...stay up all night drinking that militant

I aint mad at them...we both just trying to eat...but the urn aint as scary as this dog & knife I got on me

why try to be hard when your just trying to breathe?

Next day we jugged to philly...the juug was becoming more of a headstash then currency

flying signs by Ginos and Pats...racking up 12 tickets in less then 6 hours and 17 streets

breaking on to gettysberg national mounment just to smoke a cigarette...leave...

I used to have a probelem with OD'ing...just too many nights conecuitly

couple seizures...rare doctor visits...too much anxiety to really tell them what Ive seen

so I still just eat valium & xanax like candy

oxycontin like a treat...but people dont believe me...I pay my bills,work my jobs,drop books and still steal

post modrdum // post modern

I guess this blunt my only kin...couple noid dope boys

and the fuckers I grew up with...

but they all KNOW I lost my mind

I think hell and heaven are the only thing keeping me using

bruising up this skin...waking up in strange places with girls I call friend...

I cant keep my story on hold for too long...gotta start realizing the surface level

is all perception can encompass...let me crawl into your feelings

realize how much I reel in pain..I feel like Im wisdom teething.

I had a friend paralyzed from the waist down

he killed himself slowly off all the the perscirption drugs

half hed throw to me...sipping another 40

he said: " keep creating...this shit keeps me believing"

shit me too...at least that what it seems

his youngests brothers both had sons...I imagine he lives on through one of them

but the thing that still haunts,

flaunts in my dreams

is the time I met my brother in Waco from Austin to sell him Kolanopin

and he got in a head on collision and died on the way

as the french say...c'est la vie...let the pain come out and play

my mattress lays on the floor

of a room I can barely afford

nothing but art in it.

just work myself into the burn.

I havent earned anything

not even the right to bitch

cis-white male,whole world at my finger tips-

if I buy in.

fuck money

get stitches

listen to your local witches

& feel something...lift the limitations from vision

Life isnt a series of trips

or a whole and complete learning experience

it just is what it is

the give and the get...sometimes

I think of where I was when reality bit

even after all this time I was an addict

to fear...to not believing...to masking it with mirrors

I felt like Bruce Lee...Enter The Dragon...but instead,chasing it

leering even at myself...fight the urge and replace it with somthing else

like God...or trans fats

neither as beautiful as deaths grasp

the ever wandering finger tips

ready to snip any life in an instant

the whole world as peers it appears

no real fears..just questions and instinct

killer like...but not like some I know

diffrent mentalities // diffrent approach

I feel baroque

broke & alone-

yet,surrounded

all at once...will I ever find a home?

can I write delicate

quips

so much so it makes your shivering

lips

simmer to each kiss

expressive text

like you mean the world to me

a lie I dont regret

because I wish it so very much

to be true.

I think Ill be moving soon

I dont know how,what or why

but I just feel it in the moon

the sun...

the way my body feels when I muse.

I just want to live with love

spend time suspended above touch

reach for a new plateau of being

fiending to be me

always believing,

I expect nothing less

blessings stretch from my heart to my head

I wish to be the change in myself

I wish to give despite & because

the cards ive been dealt.

wealth is only of the mind

youll never understand beauty

without pain

The Dream Shake

dream shake

I'm dream baked

always thankful for my blessings

this Captain America like strenghth

not overly powerful

just witty and experienced

I think I'm delirious

too much coffee and way too many bong rips

just shooting like Rick Barry

thats more so due to the subs

basement recordings where we spit about being broke

living off of random thousands & handouts from local churches

pounds still make me blush

other work still keeps me hush

even this reference is to much

but fuck it...you only live once...right?

maybe its a thousand times

rewritten,re-inked,re-arched

updated for the modern times.

I hope I move on

maybe to a planet made of cannibas

where all I do is harvest,bang screw

play basketball & watch anime the whole year through.

(oh wait thats what I already do) I think hate is just fear

and I think fear is just love

but I think communication and perception

fuck everything up...& maybe I'm all over the place

maybe Im right in line here

but every time I think I find myself

a new character enters the narrative...another weakness appears..another team up draws near

If I steer clear of all storms how will I know

what and when to prove?

Winning takes desire just as much as it takes knowing how to lose

knowing how to win just takes luck and lunacy...too things that are bountiful on my crew

Dried poppies

Keep these smoke rings adrift

Lounge around in my front room

Just reading, smoking spliffs

I wonder if I’ll ever forget

It’s hard to forgive

Divide and conquer

Dream as the other half lives

I keep eating pills

Wondering if I’ll ever feel again

Sometimes it’s nice just to forget

And she keeps texting…It’s all in the script

I know it was greenlit but I know nothing of the plot,charecters or climax

Just more writing and creating then I can even comprehend

Not like it’s all good…not like it’s all bad

Just so much hash lately it’s been making me feel brash…rash in decision…crass with my slide of hand

There’s magic in the air…I can feel it again

doctor strange to these females...and all I can do is sit still here

don't think

just react

brute passion

subtle tact

make love to me on thumbtacks

fuck my brain up until blood drips

pain is bliss

when feelings are insecure at best.

I wish to convey my soul in clicks

morris code from this sinking ship

from stern to bow..flames rose

how ironic...to be burned alive afloat.

aloof,I raise this glass in toast

maybe one day we'll be heros

until then

nothing but ghosts.

control

just keep lying to yourself...

the person laying next to you is the one who will help...

make everything better

their all you've ever needed...all you've ever felt

feeling...like your under a spell

the only real need here is self help

you just constantly looking for love by giving others hell

try to control when you cant even console yourself

& I just sit to the side...every man for himself

you can only play the cards youve been dealt

but you keep switching decks

using jokers as kings

showing glimpses of your hands

..."love" can be so self destructive...

instructive for us watching

its like we're two hearts touching

but your just fucking up everybodys style

trying to make them get in tune with your

mind...

I swallowed my designs

rose up & found my direction maniacally

magnetically// magically

without trying...I just hope you find peace in time...Im so glad Im taking mine

all I can tell you for sure is we're all liars...just try not lie to those you tell them you love

see you in a few eras

I will provide

I will need.

I'am paitence

I'am greed.

trying to be more in tune with the natural course of things

I guess its more so in the movement and the songs we sing

symphonic empathy is really the only seeds

not to discredit God...the universe...

just the grand infinite wisdom we all consistency convey

create...re or miss use.

I will lead

I will follow.

I'am the student

I'am the teacher.

fearing,that in some cosmic way the secrets of my truth

will lead me to realizing how much I'am in love with missuse.

streetlike fancies streak my long blonde hair

adorned in furs // traveling in pairs

she said we could be in Paris by the end of the year

I said I'd probably be more intrested in just getting in her underwear.

"I'am not like those other guys"

I'm worse.

diffrent poems

made of tears.

but from up here...a teir over a temporary city

I realize how angelic we all are wish to be

these lights look like nature-an extension at least

maybe its just me...

but for the first time

I really...ACTUALLY

truly,honestly

want to believe...I wish you could come with me.

I remember once

growing up

in a house I

don't go into

anymore.

the sun lurking

over the floor

as I drew pictures of the ocean floor.

before the war.

before the pills...before real words.

I remember the real world

being a block & a few friendly smiles

now its a few thousand miles

with people I barely speak to

on nor offline.

I think I've lost it all

gained even more without it

I think Im only a poet

when Im writing..

the rest of the time I'm just a lost soul....writhing

I find comfort in the hurt

somber solace

remembering at one time all the numbness was lightning

i wore it...before drowning myself in all this

light...like this heart is a ballast

& these dreams are more than mine...the hours I spent on ours...and yet I still climb.

listen to my MUSIC

I feel a vast consciousness


through these internet connections


a bunch of like minded individuals


who've never been in each others presence.


I think this is humanity in essence


humility in empathetic lessons


I believe we all are progressing


regardless of the ignorance & its benevolence


it's such a blessing to be reminded of truth


this effervescence that whips like a muse


a confirmation that little to nothing is truth


because perception is the only thing that separate the proverbial (you)


from I.


but we are one in the same,regardless of our like mind


lack there of-


lessons which bloom in due time.


I'd like to hope that there is more to these rhymes


that stringing together word can from bonds un-binded


blinding the inner workings of greed


to come within eye to eye...ear to ear...mine to mind.

blahblahblah

dope throat, broke skull

gloomy mornings where

I lost hope.

I'am blind because

I have the universe for eyes

every verse ends up being a lie

for a lie.

try as I might

I have not the mite

to smite these demons

which flock to me by night.

until I die

this shadow of a doubt will haunt me

taunt me

express to me its life through groans...mindless drones

streets full of the broke

hungry...exposed

only exposes & photo op's will be

shoved under the collected turned up nose.

blood...coke

love for oneself is only mirros of smoke

a splash of GHB

& again I'am awake and alone.

its hard to love yourself

when you cant forget a moment.

sometimes losing your mind is the deepest

form of self love.

less supreme

bucket head loose

chugging coffee

its been raining fuel.

all these drugs have me weak

barely eating

the whole car stinks

and to be blunt,its all because of me.

I was less suprised when she told me she had a new boyfriend

then when we woke up drenched in each others body heat

only to have her take me to the airport

not really discussing how we think.

sometimes all I can do is feel

like peeling back my eyelids-

I turned 26 last sunday

& I was still high at my family dinner...decades of excellence

I dont know if I'll ever change

fuck-I dont really care if I do

and all the while all I really want

is someone who will "love you for you"

or me

god damnit

I barely speak

it gets tapered inbetween the lines & levees...lost in the trees

“but life

shouldn’t make sense

that’s the fun in it...

how do you only believe in love

if it only pertains to love for you”

and I looked through the celing window

I missed her.

I always do.

but that exact moment I understood

you dont choose anything

if anything the preverbioal

“it” her,us,we.

chooses you (I)

“I’ll text you later...I have things to do”

muscle memory is the only thing that

kept me moving all afternoon

if it was up to me i’d’ve boarded a plane

for Toledo before noon

“but I’m so glad we’re talking again”

me too..

could I push truth

no know fear-

waste not

a simple chance at being overlooked...

the view of life from these tiers.

clear debauchery

almost as violent as time gets

the give and the take

lost in the gears

bets not placed...odd the way people sway

violent the way this brain shakes

like these vibrations are the only pace

I think I loved you in another time

a more beautiful place

this city is a wasteland-the thick air is for taste

waste not / want not

if only this was the case.

laced blunts under a lonely overpass

the only thing I wanted was space

so she sent me on my way-not a thing in my name.

funny how the world works

strange how the drugs take

now I just lie on the floor

laying with the only thing that ever made sense

& yet,again,she has no name...a reoccuring theme-pain going both ways

44444

you funny

trying to make money

all this art aint an answer honey

just adds faith to the calamity.

I think they jammin me

I mean I really think they feelin me

peelin back poster child nose bleeds

no seats...just fragments worth remembering.

I feel like neon

endzone dances like deion

grimetime baby

like prime realestate...babbling about trabtree

all these algorithms got my brain on fleek

like why flake when you can barely speak

I communicate through smiles

rough hugs,handshakes and lazy eye gleems.

Ive been high for like 469 weeks

might as well start planning my wake

just another roasted frontal lobe skipping state to state

I guess I'll just keep doing it my own way.

all this responsibility feeling like reed-

richard simmons

genghis khan maybe

fuck...maybe I just need sleep...fantastic...this torch the only thing I need.

dyslexia

apathetic

dyslexic when it comes to numbers

numb due to the mood stablizers

sometimes its like the only math I can do

is count money.

21st cenuty

conquest of numbness

I wake up like wha-

how the fuck I get here.

I dont sip beer.

fuck around and catch kidney failure

been a few years since I had to post bail

go to a bond hearing.

out in the clearing...sippin on some texas tea

rollin up some shattered dreams

i barely even smoke weed.

I dont think I fear fiending

been sick for weeks // laying around scheming

one of these days Ill be important

only real mentors I ever had sorted

I guess we're all fucked in the head...bordem

thats why I try to stay portioned

half these dreams already been snorted

blood drip

my throat coated // coughing up the sentences

feeling like a wizard from a seperate dimension.

T E T S U O

too high to comprehend

all these lines are comprehensive

pensive with barely any incentive

like everything reflecting retention is more or less for pension

I ain't trying to be real

nor am I trying to be felt

I'm just myself // unconcerned with trophies

or even shelves...half these kids are just shells of their formal self by all tales

necessarily...I wouldn't mind melting

like the only real prizes are trap lands,LSD

& animal pelts.

like its the 18th century...or the 1960's...everyone just trying to fit in// tune in,turn on // drop out

I mean people still scared of witches

I break bread with em...run rules, brooms & mail out

like any sort of limitation is from the self

not the soul...I cast spells while trailin' off

bold

the full court press is on lock

& all this art is some sort of triangle offense

more or less I always feel offensive...maybe pensive...or like Tetsuo.

Like everything is manifesting itself through this damaged heart

this perpetuative art

its hints & attempts at being smart

the hells,the highs & lows...the pattern dances & glows

the contempt in my heart grows.

like I was meant to roam

find love in every language...on every continent

to let these simple musings help me when I'am alone

staring through the moon roof as I smoke.

VIBRANIUM

feel like Im always about to throw up

roll up

spill the notions so grown up

I dont want to go nuts

not like this

thus I feel like thanos

power gauntlets so toked up

aspirations like doom-most rush

seperate dimension seeking

marveling anti matter / broke up

woke up to a real life Carol Danvers

somewhere in Denver...wondering why all these perscription drugs came from & why

I couldnt remember the past few months...or where this book came from...again...

wiki93 on repeat.

wikileaks like modern day NSA speech...like ALex Jones is sort of realevent-

repeat

truth / monumentus antimatter

sobriety so unclear it barely matters.

I think Ive hurt everyone whos ever loved me.

If I could only be so lucky.

so I just keep moving

a perfect portrait of fuckery.

I think Ive lost it again

macking on half these casaulties

burning every step on a social latter

for momentary fires that help me eat/sleep

creep through the back streets with a few books tattered

masters of lonely unit patterns

repeat

again same old story like I barely even breif-vibranium the only thing that matters to me.

we are shaking and moving

as DH says

"If I could freeze time..."

not my super power of choice

but I resonate with the line.

I think I saw magic tonight

beauty in motion / words like mining

I wanna rest on the shores of this mindset-

the subtle ascent while climbing.

you can keep your comfort

I wont stand silenty.

this corporate police state perpetuates nothing but violence

slavery institutionalized

sedatives to keep whole families minds dimmed

like mine

like minds...I compensate by smoking hash all the time.

but maybe thats where we need to draw the line

not with the consumption,but rather the reason it comes from

the stigma thats bred...why this toxic society has so much dread

I feel it hanging like a miasma over the mid-west

& the eastern seaboard is bleeding

Baltimore is rising

our inner cities are writhing in pain

severed vertabreas

& all we're ever fed is take take take

like the fed printing dollars with no Gold to save face

this is the same place as yesterday...simply a different taste

our educational system is just wasting away

whole states have agreed to erase the errors of our most recent ways

not to mention entire cultures,facts & faces

traitors to a greater way of thinking.

just overlook all of Africas history...Western Civilizations development thanks to the Egyptians & Moors

so this becomes a broader image,more so pertaining to the world

bastard children of coined phrases...christ like images of ceaser borgere

this is so engrained in our day to day that it dosn't seem important

but when imagery becomes history,minds get destorted.

its like our collective hearts deforested

riot whenever your hokcey team loses & in god we mourn

riot whenever another man/woman/transgender/non-binary is murdered

& treat the hurt like somthing unimportant...tis just wood to a furnace

tck tck tck-morality is simply earnest to the largest earner