donate to ya boy

Monday, August 29, 2011


I keep seeing angels in my dreams
& also figureitively speaking
its pleasing to know where to turn to in times of self loathing
shameless promoting
and and underlining notion that the only thing bogus is what you want to know it is
pop quiz: how many times have you been left hoping that pain isnt what it seems it is
I listen and envision...keep my jizz to a minimum.
when the jawwing starts I tend to fall off from what the crowd wants
a subconcience napolean bon apart with a silver heart
always on a conquest of love and understanding the art
though this lifetime its of my chakras and mind melts bud
spell blendings and whirlwinds of cannibus smoke
and an overwhelming sense of when things begin
and end.
I feel weird that only hand fulls of people get THIS
in its most basic sense
though I know we all do at some level
yet to master love is
in essence
an inexplencible coincidence by two individuals
and their constant thoughts
but it is also similar souls on a pepindicular path
the aftermath being the aformentioned
and in time a new being.
I sit in the chapel singing
is this what the whole evening was meaning
its pleasing to not be so alone
in the grand eyes of the world
soul sisters
soul brothers

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Miss Blue

dear blue,
I didnt know you well
but I felt that sharp sting of denial when I heard your priceless life was derailed
so many words from a poet seem lost to thought of galactic undertones
but then calls from texas bring me right home
you had a wonderful smile,
thats what I remember most
you have a beautiful little girl
she turns one on thursday and my only hope is she knows how much you loved her
and can understand of what comes and those who go...
how many people will come together to make her life better
so many it hurts
because our area of north texas is one huge family
like most groups claim to be
but we act out silently
your lasting memories are written on the faces of symetry
those beautiful girls you spent most waking moments next to...
to me...
to the ending of an age of innoncence so violently
but tragedy breeds passion
please sleep tucked tight on those clouds in the heavens smiling
we'll be sobbing quietly,moving upward and vibrantly
upholding your honor and speaking of your revelry
youll be missed pretty brandi blue
I hope you know how many people adored you

Friday, August 26, 2011


Is it better to be the unknown celebrity
traviling abroad conquesting on odd oddyseys
conversing with loved ones previously unscathed by broke travelers with honesty
writing literature and poetry to nice for a time of low morality
is it noble to be this way,
or should one try to sway the youth of today?
strange as you back away and think about this Q & A
it brings to mind hope and fear which are the building blocks of this day and age
neutered and spayed,it seems as if our whole decks been played
but from the wide eyed spectators of the blind side,id say they see shuffleing
quiet medicating claiming its meditation and key to a calm mind state
but hell awaits for those who sizzle their brain,trust me I know
Ive seen the devil in the full moon,
he was wearing a prom dress and sassoons
to the closest baboon I pointed and rudely conjicated a mute looming explination
he was paralyzed by the eyes I had which kept shifting intermintently,
it probally was a trust thing.
which I get whole heartidly.
listening to the people who live in the lights stories sound far fetched to me
and yet this path I canvass is as dimmly lit as the rest of them
so I walk chest puffed out like I had a straight back
and straight back behind me are the lab rats who infest the traps
clap for the ones who get the fuck out and dip
tragic for the PHAM on the shit list
traffic unclasped like a roof missing shingles and ladders
only holding the smallest child whos father is begging him
to jump.
displaced rage
the only way I keep a smile on this fate.
waste these days away by propegating your faith
the only tyranny is being blind to the lake...
rather an ocean of infinite trees we swim in as we lay awake,
I pray the earth has some insurance claims to make.
what type of bliss is this arrogance I piss and steam about
if it wasnt for half hour showers I dont know if id be sober right now
quiet pints tucked away in a straw stapled hut,open butt filled with ammuniton
and lanterns,maps and such a fr was the only way we slept,untucked
reverberations from the nights shook the demons awake we spent all our mind with
and in the stich in time we found our lives were more or less irrelevant
but who says...if you do,your dead
heads splintered and seperated from necks,a terrible way to have a final rest
and to be blessed with so many guesses
I guess each breath becomes a next step
your the eyes of the world,and dont you ever forget that
regret this,a lost tactic
speech backwards and the only habit I have is watching private dancers
cancerous words turn to break neck speeds in which poems are written empty of amphedamines
It hurts to have a heart beat faster than a brain can think
a spouse can take
or better yet broken speech from break neck freaks without a plausable theory
you comin with?

Thursday, August 25, 2011


Ive been imagining your features
under the bleachers where I got high for the first time
I feel the same about your eyesight
and the effect it has on my mind.
down in the valleys of vail
colorado...maybe savannah georgia.
there lives a diffrent formn of my love
she know what must be done...verbal kicks to the butt
is this whole time period a time trial?
a trail...the last lesson I must learn
the only leasons appear on the past I let go
and the future Ill never know
though I parade threw the coradors and horror stories as if I was labodamized and sodomized since birth,
only reliving moments in time where I had no control
suppose it was all worth it,and those cold pittsburgh mornings got me home
but the realization I made,
was the whole time is home is the road,
much like it takes time to adjust to a new house,
the same with the car
naps at the bars
running on adreneline and the home cooked meals from one much like your soul
but so far...
for now if I have thousands of homes,if only for moments
& alter egos
we grow in the same way the earth does
lost in the cosmos

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

DOGYEAR; an exerpt

...After cleaning the espresso machine,I went and got the mop and broom from the back.Boss went off to smoke a cigarette,I pure caffed the whole kitten caboodle,the kitchen was spotless,and when she came back in she asked me to put the outside furniture,and she asked if I wanted to go...I knew the bong and some sailor jerrys would be back waiting for some action so I merrily obliged,I offered for her to come,she didnt say much ...I could tell she didnt want me to go..I could tell a lot of things would be diffrent if the cicrumstances surrounding us had been diffrent...Im glad it hadent though,moonbeam haunted my every waking moment...sometimes I fell into a zombie mode,wondering if I had made the right choices,if I should have stayed or breakin away when I had the chance,go back to college,and get a buisness degree or some shit. Even when youve done everything correct up to a ceartin point,you still question your own intent..its human nature I guess.

I walked out a minute after making sure she wanted me to go,she had a slow roll of the eyes,and a quirky smile saying "text gonna get bored." I promised I would...even though I didnt have her number,and my phone was broken,I entertained the thought like a beautiful moment in time where I realised I could mean somthing to someone...even when someone else meant the world to my self. I broke out past the customers,hanging my nametag on the racks in the back...out into the warm pacific air,and the hum of life on cal state fullerton...I was looking down,I could tell my demeanor was giving me away,I didnt have a thought in the world except I wanted to run,run back to the life I just ran from,oh the slums were more glamourus then a nine to 5,or a 5ive to nine,whatever the fuck I was working...I was tired of sweating,smelling like coffee,and most of all the humans I had to give advice to,or the ones who pryed into my life,it was so much easier when I could lie,or stretch the truth,now I have to dive deep into what and how I do,and being so honest Im not sure if this is the smartest thing to do...

So Im not even half a block away when a bum comes walking up the street the other way...hes drunk...swaying to the wind of the traffic blowing past,immediatly our eyes lock,I think how ironic. He stumbles up to me,whiskey on his beard he asks me my name,sticking his hand out in front of me...I shake it and say "william...yourself?" hes mumbling frantically like somthing out of a movie "he says...john...john...and you? I smile,his smiles so wide...his eyes so wired by human touch..."im john...john..." I start to reach for my wallet,but he hasent said a word about money...Its more about the smile...the tears welling up that he sees somthing in my eyes...i see somthing in his smile,the way we look at each other is like a mirror,and that moment i realize I cant just go off running anytime I want...or ill end up walking down on ramps off of 91 east in orange county...about 6 hours from jail...or worse...

the light of the man shines bright as I snap out of his eyesight."im sorry john...I must go.." his lip quivers and he waves as I step into the night,into the lights of the 50 or so od college students buming rap or indie rock. A crowd wiggles past me in the street halfway to the other corner,I turn around and here a muffled "stay out of trouble" I smile,point and yell "you too."..god lifes trippy,how did he know so much with out knowing...slowly I pace under the over pass,past little asian women and grown indian men...

the steel walls

Theres no real way to explain how I think of whats waiting
whats given,or to even mention this slight dementia
its got me ripped up,
inside throwing knives against a blank wall
small feats compared to the feelings deep in this meat,flesh and bones
blown away by the diplomas that set me apart from those in a coma
about what the "real world" can apply too
but since my troubled youth ive found a mutiny abloom
those who can change the world for the better dont want to
simply love themselves too much too
for enlightenment can lead to ego,when arrogance seems due
but the truth of the matter is it all exsists in you
in us,the uncollected concience of a billion souls lost
and this heaven we speak of is simply being
and experencing the beauty that is all around you,instead of expecting it to be at the end of this life we often times mistake as a prequal
but dosent it need to be equal to the sequel to be great
or could it all just eliminate the proceedings
could this world be a fake
it dosent really matter cosmically whats at stake,not at this juncture anyway
you can only be a beautiful componenet to an everchanging landscape
who need doers more than sayers in this world of technology
these words are but vessels for interpretation
my seeming wisdom could lead one to failure
for it is not my intention,it is just what is
so with that being said
free your head
write your own manifesto by hand...prefferably in the sands
for time washes away all sins

Saturday, August 20, 2011


please rest
this wrist gets sore endorsing checks
play close to the chest,
the warnings I speak incessintly
momentary lapses in judgement make monitary goals cum lavishly
guns support cavities,
and kisses taste like salt and sugar comforts drastically ravishing
creatures abundance
punishable by slumber.
wonder how the smile got so thunderous?
how those hips gave way to a price
and I...well..
Im alive
but you,
your at the mercy of a knife
dull blade
half tinged canvaser
ask your wisdom,can you even give without asking for it
tis the downfall of never having to gather
or master a tactic
because the batlles dont always secure an outcome
and words can always be far from done


If the galaxy bends,

Im glad I had friends and enemies...not those miserable wretch inbetween.

that all my PHAM kept it real

spennin time sinnin and grinnin,pimpin and spippin,

experimenting like street drugs with prison and public school systems

trippin visciously while spinning wisdom in and out of sentences vividly

for instance it wasnt till tonight I realised THESE EYES HAVE EYES intermittenly

its got me thinking ocean deep,past the trenches in the big blue sleep

these crazy thoughts maybe unorthidox,

but the world maybe truly in black and white coexsiting as a paradox

as long as you pay no attentions to the conformites of the box


you only can use this brain once, so let all things imaginable be done

let its be as gorgeous as the nights end kissed goodmorning by the sun

its colors,the fright of the darkness and the wonder of the fuzzy glow

the splendid attribues of the unknown,almost as natural as learning or growing

for warnings are only fair warnings in this day and age of random chance and sheep slaughtering

hell even massacures happen in nurserys and dormatorys

strange ways to relive pain

this death and destruction is to my brain

for it is like me in many ways,but simply the inside of this body that I see deterirate

my temple of the blind

could I ever trust with these rainy eyes

skys smile in deep purples and white


why did I never kiss her,might this had all been diffrent in time

or would it be much similar

just harder and with more denial

aisles & aisles of the same product with diffrent prices.

I always wanted to ask my father for his advice on x chromosones

on violence

on vandalisim

but the beauty of it all as I came to see

is how much we differ,how sheltered we both beleive it should & shouldent be

not all men are created equal

it depends on how you THINK & the talents you exceed in

even evil is honorable if there are no other decisions

bare witness


clarify your conciences

some of us have angels

some of us have demons

Friday, August 19, 2011


theres one too many mornings of gloom and aptitude
adjusting attitudes to make up for the past and the latitude
spewing facts like rat traps lining a mad scientests labryinth
scattered musings,veiwings wakes and funerals
the only conclusions we conclude are quaaludes and preludes
so we seclude ourselves in foxholes filled with sailor jerrys and haybales of will know us by the trail of dead and our non shalant substance abuse
spread the word,this outlandish nerd is going to dance on verbs for the enjoyment
of the peturbed,perverted and award the best dressed for the whores category
giving sperm as a grand prize...and after the thighs are covered
back to the lab for some gin and toaster strudles
was she speaking in code words...or was I just drunk?
long nights lead to short mornings,
loud snoring and some vomit on the counter
couter punchs,sacked lunches and powder all over my trousers
somebodys couch was gonna get soaked in gasoline and ive got a switch
so long stares lead to measues took,
followed up by central booking and the whos
screws loose,so bad,I had to reecoop
the only problem was I wasnt sure how to
so off in a cab with an odd future intact

the overcast morning

to a man ive never met
I wish the best to you in heaven
as someday I hope to live like you
old and wise,unfiltering those thoughts to the public
more so,I hope I can be as instrumental in one persons as you were to manys.
rest peacefully
to a mentor ive never seen
your dedication is inspirational,your journey to this point is a WICKED good story
how I sat paitently for my next "life with gramps" animated shorts
how your love reminded me so of my dear grandfather.
all those times I wished I had been older,a better helper to the hardest worker ive ever known,
but he died peacefully in his sleep as well,
hell there hasent been a day gone by where I didnt miss his wisdom or war tales
but so it was restored,in the tones of my words,the valor of my soul
I have become a new age version of my shepard
he has taken my hand threw the world.
so ive never stopped talking with him

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Ur my destiny //

Your suppose to live on your knees,
I'm going die on my feet
no small feats,
treat this country like a playground for the meek
underpriveleged ghosts of a distant reality
the only formality is a tip of the hat,a blown kiss from a balchoney
bliss is the morning,the afternoon & the evening I treat like alchemy
comfort is the feeling im blessed with,those suddle reminders your chest dances
a normal person simpy is a recreation of for instances,
frightened of resentment...still wishing it was yesterday and dreading the woes of this galaxys infancy...
there are beautiful women in every part of the earth and theyll break your gentle heart into perfectly calculated refinancing
but to never try is to accept losing
somthing in which I cannot do
destiny rides on the lips of my smile,quite righteous acclimations of self in what is considered a down time in the eyes of the young bastards behind the years in my life,
quite unimaginable how the thought of suicide is even of mind
but I understand,quite well,how a heart gathers fire
how mind dances a high wire
how get rich quick skeems breed passionite lies and deceiteful smiles
oh good greif son,


and remember the golden rule



this past years a blur,words are so fleeting its birthed new meanings to the intrigue of the underworld.submerged in the mergeing of cultures,and egotisitcal pathways,I find myself at rest,away from the highways and interstates.I got kids working on the chain gang,and Ill be god damned if i end up that way. Strange,I barely keep a paper trail to keep sane,my eyes have eyes and there watching out like dogs,I feel like william I lay dying,I keep trying to get up....I write because I always want to talk. Small knots are my weapon of choice,I keep neuces in stash boxes in spots if in ever need of a desperate way off,but its not the way I came up,raised by a bunch of narcs from the great state of tejas. It not that I dont love em,I love all,I just dont trust em,so I keep my distance and never answer their calls. Right ways,wrong ways,long nights,fast days...heads full of class & fluff and the only way I got what i deserved on the come up was from keepin my cum to myself and my feet on the asphalt.Bummin,spangin,rearrangeing my days to make way for the nights bombs,and for her love,but she dosent call...and neither do I so ill meet her down lifes long road.even this throat is sore,sorted by the cannibus I donate my pay scales too,IM glad she thinks like i do...savage and beautiful.screw it all,ill break the locks and bust out the truth...there not much more to be said in a whirlwind of beauty

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Loose fitting funeral tuX

there is no room for my error
yet in an era of shattered roles, I've assumed a regalia
the smell of vagina is in the air,and I have no more spare failures
careless,truthfull and a machine gun mouth loaded with parables
fair is fair in a world full of failure
Ive scaled most intertates in search of thearapy
charity is the aforementioned in vails
most stories written in fractiles and paradoys
insideous trips with life altering theology

but they mean well.
the kids out there in hell.

jails a sonofabitch,I can only imagine the department of correction. it.skip town.roast it...your brain that is
collect kids like pokemon cards in your traviling caravan of bad decisions
revalations never happen at the begining
the universe spares for extreme moments of unclarity.
spare me the questions of longevity,my moral structure is true
blue prints of a revolution haunt me like a sore tooth


her energy rests in my chest,and I feel thats the greatest taboo. You can have it all,but will it have you..

Thursday, August 4, 2011


Summer comes,
summer goes
yet my heart still clings to colorado
not the people as much as the slopes,besides hatred is just another form of love
though my passion stems for all,not just one..
months spent relfecting on the absent minded days of before points to
drug abuse coupled with a sense of entitlement and pre conceived enlightenment
stemming from death and the aforementioned struggles of ones life.
I am not humble,
never have been
never could be,my brain leads me much like napoleans did
destined for death and glory,while dining on minds and stories
please forgive me,oh society,
I adore scraping your under belly
I know with a few tutors and less equity,
I could have my doctrine in 365 weeks and a mountain of debt
but that is for the bold,much like the slums is for the cold
the roll I've assumed has never been done to this extent before.
More and more I realize my destiny,I manifest well,
It suprises me
I dig along the borders of my humility,putting up a fortress for all to see
bleed with me,along these lines,outside or in a jail
poetry is but a tool for the mind
this spine bleeds and contours to the world,so why wont you take your bruises
and not say a word.
I was for warned about the future in a dream,the worst part is
its all up to you and me
across the seas and under the clouds,is where youll find the realm we devour
detours to make sure the sun and the moon form once every half an hour
eclipsing the myth that all time is predetermined
that all logic is based in chaos
...and still we wonder...
how does the world come to you...
for I see it with no colors...though even more so its as beautiful as


I wish to not be destroyed yet
im employed and I have a steady pay check
time spent slaving for the man is better spent then time scraping my knucles
I need gucci,nike and 72 inch screens for football

I wish to never be emploed
for it will destroy me
I bum across state lines,telling lies to win this lottery
time spent living out of tents on heads full of fluff in cross country debauchery


I wish to never say a word
to get entranced in my own little universe
the charecters I create in here,are more than I could ever be out there in the
real world
the mouse clicks,bliss is TIME artificially spent

I NEED good grades
If not so I may lay waste to this face
double barrel buck shot to get back at proffessor...oh whatever his name is
if I fail in here,I fail out there,the real world...which comes on at ten right after the season finalie of...