I used to hang out with this kid who beat his mom to death

he went by JC.

a few weeks later some of old my coworkers were executed by another guy who used to

be the fry cook...just walked in & went on a shooting spree

some how master chef survived (shout out to the OG)...

they found homie in a park the next evening

sitting in his 98' ford ranger...just burning alive...

I think he survived tho...

I used to run around the country...thousands of drugs in the trunk of a Mazda Z6...

I was mostly surviving off LSD and burgers...sometimes Id throw up

mixing liquor with liquid hydrocodine...unafraid of growing up

fucking girls whos boyfriends werent around for the evening

be out early in the morning...shower covered in weeks worth of dirt

breakfast...and she throws me some of her clothes for the road...

I started putting feathers in my hair...panhandling by UVA,VCU

had one dude told me if I didnt give him his tax fed put me in an ICU

we shared ciagrettes and food...I gave him 4 dollars..."you good fool"

I remmember trying to sleep under overpasses in Baltimore trying to get to Pittsburgh

young jack kids planning...I can see the villian in their vibes...stay up all night drinking that militant

I aint mad at them...we both just trying to eat...but the urn aint as scary as this dog & knife I got on me

why try to be hard when your just trying to breathe?

Next day we jugged to philly...the juug was becoming more of a headstash then currency

flying signs by Ginos and Pats...racking up 12 tickets in less then 6 hours and 17 streets

breaking on to gettysberg national mounment just to smoke a cigarette...leave...

I used to have a probelem with OD'ing...just too many nights conecuitly

couple seizures...rare doctor visits...too much anxiety to really tell them what Ive seen

so I still just eat valium & xanax like candy

oxycontin like a treat...but people dont believe me...I pay my bills,work my jobs,drop books and still steal

post modrdum // post modern

I guess this blunt my only kin...couple noid dope boys

and the fuckers I grew up with...

but they all KNOW I lost my mind

I think hell and heaven are the only thing keeping me using

bruising up this skin...waking up in strange places with girls I call friend...

I cant keep my story on hold for too long...gotta start realizing the surface level

is all perception can encompass...let me crawl into your feelings

realize how much I reel in pain..I feel like Im wisdom teething.

I had a friend paralyzed from the waist down

he killed himself slowly off all the the perscirption drugs

half hed throw to me...sipping another 40

he said: " keep creating...this shit keeps me believing"

shit me too...at least that what it seems

his youngests brothers both had sons...I imagine he lives on through one of them

but the thing that still haunts,

flaunts in my dreams

is the time I met my brother in Waco from Austin to sell him Kolanopin

and he got in a head on collision and died on the way

as the french say...c'est la vie...let the pain come out and play