XOXO

I keep seeing angels in my dreams
like...literally
& also figureitively speaking
its pleasing to know where to turn to in times of self loathing
shameless promoting
and and underlining notion that the only thing bogus is what you want to know it is
pop quiz: how many times have you been left hoping that pain isnt what it seems it is
I listen and envision...keep my jizz to a minimum.
when the jawwing starts I tend to fall off from what the crowd wants
a subconcience napolean bon apart with a silver heart
always on a conquest of love and understanding the art
OF
though this lifetime its of my chakras and mind melts bud
spell blendings and whirlwinds of cannibus smoke
and an overwhelming sense of when things begin
and end.
though
I feel weird that only hand fulls of people get THIS
in its most basic sense
though I know we all do at some level
yet to master love is
in essence
an inexplencible coincidence by two individuals
and their constant thoughts
but it is also similar souls on a pepindicular path
the aftermath being the aformentioned
and in time a new being.
I sit in the chapel singing
is this what the whole evening was meaning
its pleasing to not be so alone
in the grand eyes of the world
soul sisters
soul brothers

Miss Blue

dear blue,
I didnt know you well
but I felt that sharp sting of denial when I heard your priceless life was derailed
so many words from a poet seem lost to thought of galactic undertones
but then calls from texas bring me right home
you had a wonderful smile,
thats what I remember most
you have a beautiful little girl
she turns one on thursday and my only hope is she knows how much you loved her
and can understand of what comes and those who go...
how many people will come together to make her life better
so many it hurts
because our area of north texas is one huge family
like most groups claim to be
but we act out silently
lastly,
your lasting memories are written on the faces of symetry
those beautiful girls you spent most waking moments next to...
to me...
to the ending of an age of innoncence so violently
but tragedy breeds passion
please sleep tucked tight on those clouds in the heavens smiling
we'll be sobbing quietly,moving upward and vibrantly
upholding your honor and speaking of your revelry
youll be missed pretty brandi blue
I hope you know how many people adored you

picante

Is it better to be the unknown celebrity
traviling abroad conquesting on odd oddyseys
conversing with loved ones previously unscathed by broke travelers with honesty
writing literature and poetry to nice for a time of low morality
is it noble to be this way,
or should one try to sway the youth of today?
strange as you back away and think about this Q & A
it brings to mind hope and fear which are the building blocks of this day and age
neutered and spayed,it seems as if our whole decks been played
but from the wide eyed spectators of the blind side,id say they see shuffleing
gain
quiet medicating claiming its meditation and key to a calm mind state
but hell awaits for those who sizzle their brain,trust me I know
Ive seen the devil in the full moon,
he was wearing a prom dress and sassoons
to the closest baboon I pointed and rudely conjicated a mute looming explination
he was paralyzed by the eyes I had which kept shifting intermintently,
it probally was a trust thing.
which I get whole heartidly.
listening to the people who live in the lights stories sound far fetched to me
and yet this path I canvass is as dimmly lit as the rest of them
so I walk chest puffed out like I had a straight back
and straight back behind me are the lab rats who infest the traps
clap for the ones who get the fuck out and dip
tragic for the PHAM on the shit list
punch.kiss.
traffic unclasped like a roof missing shingles and ladders
only holding the smallest child whos father is begging him
to jump.
displaced rage
the only way I keep a smile on this fate.
waste these days away by propegating your faith
the only tyranny is being blind to the lake...
rather an ocean of infinite trees we swim in as we lay awake,
I pray the earth has some insurance claims to make.
PACE.

what type of bliss is this arrogance I piss and steam about
if it wasnt for half hour showers I dont know if id be sober right now
quiet pints tucked away in a straw stapled hut,open butt filled with ammuniton
and lanterns,maps and such a fr was the only way we slept,untucked
reverberations from the nights shook the demons awake we spent all our mind with
and in the stich in time we found our lives were more or less irrelevant
but who says...if you do,your dead
heads splintered and seperated from necks,a terrible way to have a final rest
and to be blessed with so many guesses
I guess each breath becomes a next step
your the eyes of the world,and dont you ever forget that
regret this,a lost tactic
speech backwards and the only habit I have is watching private dancers
cancerous words turn to break neck speeds in which poems are written empty of amphedamines
It hurts to have a heart beat faster than a brain can think
a spouse can take
or better yet broken speech from break neck freaks without a plausable theory
we
are
evolving
you comin with?

sufi

Ive been imagining your features
under the bleachers where I got high for the first time
I feel the same about your eyesight
and the effect it has on my mind.
down in the valleys of vail
colorado...maybe savannah georgia.
there lives a diffrent formn of my love
she know what must be done...verbal kicks to the butt
but
is this whole time period a time trial?
a trail...the last lesson I must learn
the only leasons appear on the past I let go
and the future Ill never know
though I parade threw the coradors and horror stories as if I was labodamized and sodomized since birth,
only reliving moments in time where I had no control
suppose it was all worth it,and those cold pittsburgh mornings got me home
but the realization I made,
was the whole time is home is the road,
much like it takes time to adjust to a new house,
the same with the car
naps at the bars
running on adreneline and the home cooked meals from one much like your soul
but so far...
for now if I have thousands of homes,if only for moments
stories
& alter egos
we grow in the same way the earth does
lost in the cosmos

DOGYEAR; an exerpt

...After cleaning the espresso machine,I went and got the mop and broom from the back.Boss went off to smoke a cigarette,I pure caffed the whole kitten caboodle,the kitchen was spotless,and when she came back in she asked me to put the outside furniture,and she asked if I wanted to go...I knew the bong and some sailor jerrys would be back waiting for some action so I merrily obliged,I offered for her to come,she didnt say much ...I could tell she didnt want me to go..I could tell a lot of things would be diffrent if the cicrumstances surrounding us had been diffrent...Im glad it hadent though,moonbeam haunted my every waking moment...sometimes I fell into a zombie mode,wondering if I had made the right choices,if I should have stayed or breakin away when I had the chance,go back to college,and get a buisness degree or some shit. Even when youve done everything correct up to a ceartin point,you still question your own intent..its human nature I guess.

I walked out a minute after making sure she wanted me to go,she had a slow roll of the eyes,and a quirky smile saying "text me...im gonna get bored." I promised I would...even though I didnt have her number,and my phone was broken,I entertained the thought like a beautiful moment in time where I realised I could mean somthing to someone...even when someone else meant the world to my self. I broke out past the customers,hanging my nametag on the racks in the back...out into the warm pacific air,and the hum of life on cal state fullerton...I was looking down,I could tell my demeanor was giving me away,I didnt have a thought in the world except I wanted to run,run back to the life I just ran from,oh the slums were more glamourus then a nine to 5,or a 5ive to nine,whatever the fuck I was working...I was tired of sweating,smelling like coffee,and most of all the humans I had to give advice to,or the ones who pryed into my life,it was so much easier when I could lie,or stretch the truth,now I have to dive deep into what and how I do,and being so honest Im not sure if this is the smartest thing to do...

So Im not even half a block away when a bum comes walking up the street the other way...hes drunk...swaying to the wind of the traffic blowing past,immediatly our eyes lock,I think how ironic. He stumbles up to me,whiskey on his beard he asks me my name,sticking his hand out in front of me...I shake it and say "william...yourself?" hes mumbling frantically like somthing out of a movie "he says...john...john...and you? I smile,his smiles so wide...his eyes so wired by human touch..."im john...john..." I start to reach for my wallet,but he hasent said a word about money...Its more about the smile...the tears welling up that he sees somthing in my eyes...i see somthing in his smile,the way we look at each other is like a mirror,and that moment i realize I cant just go off running anytime I want...or ill end up walking down on ramps off of 91 east in orange county...about 6 hours from jail...or worse...

the light of the man shines bright as I snap out of his eyesight."im sorry john...I must go.." his lip quivers and he waves as I step into the night,into the lights of the 50 or so od college students buming rap or indie rock. A crowd wiggles past me in the street halfway to the other corner,I turn around and here a muffled "stay out of trouble" I smile,point and yell "you too."..god lifes trippy,how did he know so much with out knowing...slowly I pace under the over pass,past little asian women and grown indian men...

the steel walls

Theres no real way to explain how I think of whats waiting
whats given,or to even mention this slight dementia
its got me ripped up,
inside throwing knives against a blank wall
small feats compared to the feelings deep in this meat,flesh and bones
blown away by the diplomas that set me apart from those in a coma
about what the "real world" can apply too
but since my troubled youth ive found a mutiny abloom
those who can change the world for the better dont want to
or
simply love themselves too much too
for enlightenment can lead to ego,when arrogance seems due
but the truth of the matter is it all exsists in you
in us,the uncollected concience of a billion souls lost
and this heaven we speak of is simply being
and experencing the beauty that is all around you,instead of expecting it to be at the end of this life we often times mistake as a prequal
but dosent it need to be equal to the sequel to be great
or could it all just eliminate the proceedings
could this world be a fake
it dosent really matter cosmically whats at stake,not at this juncture anyway
you can only be a beautiful componenet to an everchanging landscape
who need doers more than sayers in this world of technology
these words are but vessels for interpretation
my seeming wisdom could lead one to failure
for it is not my intention,it is just what is
so with that being said
free your head
write your own manifesto by hand...prefferably in the sands
for time washes away all sins