DOGYEAR; an exerpt

...After cleaning the espresso machine,I went and got the mop and broom from the back.Boss went off to smoke a cigarette,I pure caffed the whole kitten caboodle,the kitchen was spotless,and when she came back in she asked me to put the outside furniture,and she asked if I wanted to go...I knew the bong and some sailor jerrys would be back waiting for some action so I merrily obliged,I offered for her to come,she didnt say much ...I could tell she didnt want me to go..I could tell a lot of things would be diffrent if the cicrumstances surrounding us had been diffrent...Im glad it hadent though,moonbeam haunted my every waking moment...sometimes I fell into a zombie mode,wondering if I had made the right choices,if I should have stayed or breakin away when I had the chance,go back to college,and get a buisness degree or some shit. Even when youve done everything correct up to a ceartin point,you still question your own intent..its human nature I guess.

I walked out a minute after making sure she wanted me to go,she had a slow roll of the eyes,and a quirky smile saying "text me...im gonna get bored." I promised I would...even though I didnt have her number,and my phone was broken,I entertained the thought like a beautiful moment in time where I realised I could mean somthing to someone...even when someone else meant the world to my self. I broke out past the customers,hanging my nametag on the racks in the back...out into the warm pacific air,and the hum of life on cal state fullerton...I was looking down,I could tell my demeanor was giving me away,I didnt have a thought in the world except I wanted to run,run back to the life I just ran from,oh the slums were more glamourus then a nine to 5,or a 5ive to nine,whatever the fuck I was working...I was tired of sweating,smelling like coffee,and most of all the humans I had to give advice to,or the ones who pryed into my life,it was so much easier when I could lie,or stretch the truth,now I have to dive deep into what and how I do,and being so honest Im not sure if this is the smartest thing to do...

So Im not even half a block away when a bum comes walking up the street the other way...hes drunk...swaying to the wind of the traffic blowing past,immediatly our eyes lock,I think how ironic. He stumbles up to me,whiskey on his beard he asks me my name,sticking his hand out in front of me...I shake it and say "william...yourself?" hes mumbling frantically like somthing out of a movie "he says...john...john...and you? I smile,his smiles so wide...his eyes so wired by human touch..."im john...john..." I start to reach for my wallet,but he hasent said a word about money...Its more about the smile...the tears welling up that he sees somthing in my eyes...i see somthing in his smile,the way we look at each other is like a mirror,and that moment i realize I cant just go off running anytime I want...or ill end up walking down on ramps off of 91 east in orange county...about 6 hours from jail...or worse...

the light of the man shines bright as I snap out of his eyesight."im sorry john...I must go.." his lip quivers and he waves as I step into the night,into the lights of the 50 or so od college students buming rap or indie rock. A crowd wiggles past me in the street halfway to the other corner,I turn around and here a muffled "stay out of trouble" I smile,point and yell "you too."..god lifes trippy,how did he know so much with out knowing...slowly I pace under the over pass,past little asian women and grown indian men...