sacrificial brick

I honestly could tear out one of my teeth right now and be fine with it,I think its the feeling in the air; the illustrious,imaginative and naive. I want all of this to mean nothing...but everything does,and you always seem to end up exactly where you need to be (same as me) so I feel like its a "meant to be" thing. You mean the mint to me. I see the glint in your eyes when we speak...meet me on some random beach,whenever you feel like you need it. We can continue to sprint to really wherever you wanna go. I just wanna be sacrificed as the GOAT. Not for fame,nor riches...just my soul. Martyr complex I guess since Im the son of two ministers...I just needed a master splinter,so I became my own. No more poems...not at least until I get a secondary phone. Blow a check on trying to come home to a full refrigirator,blow the rest on trying to feel better...play your hand close to the chest. Poker face,like I could ever give a damn...cheat like some of the best. I remember me and my boy Tittle sitting around eating chicken breasts in Austin sometime in 2011...hes the one who made me believe that I could make all these bullshit hobbies into something...that this life is more then capitalisim and nuclear families. Though I hope bits and peaces of both concepts still exist...such a divine comedy this life is...reading dante in a bath tub...life always in a state of flux. Quoting Lao Tzu at a friends kids birthdays...I wont be 26 till I grow wiser...this soul is so old...space is so cold...thank glob I have a muse,or I dont know where the fuck Id grow. Never take me as anything you should daily. I feel polluted like the ganges...but still in a state of pristine tranquility. Life and its fratility. Strife and its futility. I'll sleep in this garbage can if need be,at some point itll be a pint house...then a pent house. Then back down to some reality I can really latch on to...make sense of...all or really any of this. Jesus,if I couldve always been in this dream...in some sense I have (multi verse theory) clearly,my head is in the trees. Lets burn another why dont we? I know these surrealistic pillows will lead me back to these theories...like "little nemo"...like I was born again and didnt know anything. Put me out...pull me in...I wanna see where things really lead. The good ol days just start descending out of me...cascading on the facade of these LSD trips and drug binges...knee deep in the trenches...this drug war seems boundless,insurmountable and palpable. I really believe that everyone should have a say...no matter their sociatel construct,creed or faith....we've forgotten so much how we're all one and the same. I think I understand what this decades shaping up to create...today...I realized how much Im in love with you...and how much we will have to accomplish...what we will have to do...freedom...the only thing I can truly feel good about dedicating my life too. freedom to choose...freedom to loose...freedom to run until you dissapear...live with the guilt of what youve done...or move on...or dont feel anything at all...God is seemingly,increasingly what we want to believe we make it...when its just the enviroment and interactions that surround and shape us. Bless us. Test us. Infect us with love for one another. God,I hope Im not going nuts...but we probably all are...here on the out skirts listening to grizzly bears...I figure Ill take several more turn...loose all Ive earned and get it back tenfold. Sometimes you just have to have feelings things will work out. jerk around and fall asleep somewhere on cold pavement (which is scarce these days)...its been the first time in month I havent felt like IM betraying thought...just oppositions...intuitions...feelings from women I could never recipricate. I guess such is being a sociopath...seeing things in your own way. Tuck the pain,down...far,far away. I mean,listen to the way you hate...its a pretty good indication in the time and thoughts youve lost. I think im trapped in the belly of a cosmic whale just drifting along...and all the while I was wrong...about God,the universe...love...their all one...dosent mean I cant nurse this earthly body with any drug I see fit...such a split in wits...such a tizz