FIRST $NOW

it was the disappointment
an appointment for coitus/a series of texts
I got the message
more so,I was disappointed by her intellect
(*lack there of)
above and beyond what I thought was a feeling so strong
was that overwhelming desire to not give a
fuck.
even threw first snow
as I smoked bowl
after bowl
after
bowl
I stroked my beard & observed as weak birds fell
dead
ironic how fall had become winter yet again
losing their battle with early season winds
this is the thought in my head/
a slow and intimate morning,steam churning from my lungs
bread became toast as I needed something more then substance
substantial,sustained
love
a rather laughable thing to want.
yet,here I pray...
day to day
Its so easy to be loud
so painful to be quiet
underneath quilts are these open eyelids
rather dry from trying to strain out tears
so here I lay
self loathing narcissist with predictable tendencies and razor sharp wit
alone in my infancy, a mere child in the grand scheme of it
all in all these walls will hold my fears
but theres none in my heart

so the four winds act as a paintbrush

my eyes=a kaleidoscope

in the grand scheme of it all...what has been done

is

done.

and I float aimlessly on this rock threw out the cosmos