serenity is ministry

simple coincidences

I see you like 17th century paintings

dark with renaissance in your symphony

I have valium rattling around my skull

watching the spike of art as epiphanies

like everything I inject has soul

so blessed to have a fear of needles though

others don't

I watch belts hang around their arms

I guess its better then their throats

probably the same difference I suppose

I see her as the morning sun glows

and my kidneys rumble from the tussle of the night before

every drink feels like a water hose

every speck of sunlight reflects like a rainbow

I know where the pain goes

right where you need it too when the moon glows

that's why we stare into the sun

just to feel something...anything for once

I sit here drained from all the drugs that Ive done

but they've all led me to the poignant muse

life isnt beautiful if its misused

sacrafices of the un-bloomed

I was born to consume

die

and fuse right back into the gloom

and destitude...love is but the truth...as lust is the movemnent

meet me in the restroom

will snort lines

and tell each other what makes us love fear

what makes us fear love...what binds us to human

headbutt 2k-o

mild recognition

years worth of mistrust

I think its worth a few bumps

I just hate thinking this much.

I see these lessons as a must

solid punches to the gut

that catholic guilt I still somehow encompass

baptist hate.

what makes an "I"...its like I'am continually rediscovering my eyes

see things in every color imaginable...not just black and white

I fight for places to sleep...for things to eat

some times even the darkness has alot of light

these are the things I say to me.

I'm not weak

at least I dont think?

but you can never be to sure

so why blink?

my friends drink,sometimes I join in if I feel lonely

sometimes Im the responsible one who gets everyone home

but mostly

Im the one who dissapears into the night...alone

I guess thats just the way it goes..

stay hydrated

paper-cuts

in this paper town

with girls in gowns

resembling paper dolls

before fall comes down.

It's been a summer...

I feel blessed to have seen one more

I don't fear the resent I have anymore.

accepted,dismissed & with a bored eye to "news" stories

the warnings...that is more so how they word the world

Its warming up

so ominous and on every front & fact

so much beauty I barely keep my brain intact

but my heart does most of the talking /

leading.

breathing

as I look obscurely into the night

a beating thought so freeing

as if feeling had suddenly

become an act of being

rather than a way of seeing...scattered paint as thought

famish fashion

geeked up

writing while my nose runs

I can barely feel my body

I think this is where I come

when all my sadness turns to roses

bouquet's streaming out of water hoses

women in their Sunday best vomiting rainbows

Gods waiting tables

and hes only visited the table once...at least there's menus & water tho

I think my whole life's a venue with ominous undertones

like whats the point in acting true

if the reality you encompass

isn't perceived to be what people believe is TRUTH

its so hard to wrap my head around the "news"

even word of mouth is confusing

its like I need to see the viciousness

cars mangled and burning

it so hard to figure out sometimes if IM becoming more or less human

whats worse I don't know if Im concerned

I'm wide awake...its almost morning

and the worst is...I don't know what all this mourning is for

no snow town

having a method

one of those extreme mirages

like this whole fads a facade

I like to brag alone

tell myself its going to be purposeful

I listen to the outside world like it cheerful

beams & late summer tourists

but there is death on our borders

and it only seems to get more buried in national news

Im not even sure any I encounter has a clue

my only true hope is for a counter culture revolution

in really whatever sense it means at this point

because our mother is dying // we all have her eyes

such simple changes...so little time

so many things have set in motion

but we must act

fact is I can barely follow myself to the sea

higher ground is the only thing that seems to be of good reason

sometimes you just have to drive fast at night

because accidents happen to the ones who are scared of risks

I feel at times it is my only action...my only release

I think it was those LSD binges

the fringes of society

sobriety

in a multi dimensional applied science theory

Prescription junkies

probably started in fourth grade

all the concerta & ritalin

some of moms pain medication...I just liked feeling different ways

I never really paid for anything

even in high school thanks to all the wonderful people who filled my day

hotboxed f150...marijuana brunches...the heart of north Texas...smoke filled lungs

so many exs

some "oh yeahs"

a lifetime of growth

& yet Im still besieged my pride & privelage

such is the death of assimilation

such is the moment of clarity

but again it comes a little to similar to the past

so again,we learn where we begin

where we end

what has been taught

which string has been cut

I see the sunlight with half shut eyes

dreaming about fixes

elixers

bricks & chickens.

micro climates that beg constant attention

applied requirements

I wanna be in pittsbugrh again

smoking joints and throwing rocks at trains around the bends

but it seems like we rarely win

ive never been one to sink to the bottom

to believe this is an end

I see nothing in having my wits...theres only time and energy...by god I hope it forgives

I feel you in my skin

like a warmth sinking in

I wish you were here to sin

itd be heaven to me

you're are an example

I see how hard you push yourself

it makes me want to try take a lead

but it isnt compitetion...its paitence even

like im learning from you

even from a telescope

Im combing for hope

that our paths again intervene

I cant even date other girls

it just wouldnt mean anything

and why hurt someone when

you know where your heart leads

I know how mine beats

war drum like

dreams of 13 hour drives just

for a night.

Why fight while your dying

That’s reserved for the living

Giving your heart and soul

How ever intimate however intensly

I feel love immensely

Like it litters my bones

I feel the wolds grip

Is it it rides in my bones

I speak on the phone intently

It’s so hard to be phony with trust

I need to know your with me

I expect you to get up

Fight with me

Tire with me

Die with me for all I care

But if you make it out alive…tell my story

Make sure it’s fair

And God damn fuck making any fare

This is how bears eat

From ever flowing river streams

xxxoxxx

I'm tired of the re-image

I need something new

but beyond doubt

I want something true

free interest ,simple ruin

valued points of referance

MLA cited

a testament to a theology known as being useful

I'am a muse in a wormhole

a whole lot more knowledge than soul

fractions of a cent to create a whole

holes in the head of the world

subtle nuances get rendered putrid

profit sharing, serendipity in this larynx

humble options, God and country

like were all the same man.

God damn these sentances...saeances in some senses

splintered reality within distance

criminal in its gimmick...press me with these simple ministries

like I was molded in the sun...like I was a perfect symphony...exsponged

this exo skeleton is a home...its hope...like a single sunflower in overgrowth

100 milligram's of morphine, 1 milligram of Xanax

two swisher sweets, a nice girl reading comics on my bed

in nothing but spandex

I didn't plan this...shit just happens

I'm thinking of going with lyric to Japan during winter

or maybe just go to the UK by my lonesome

DH encouraged it

pretty much everything that kid thinks is a grand slam.

I'm getting Flex or 50 to mail me some of their imperfect glass

I think I'm about to be homeless again anyway

if that's the case I'll at least need a sturdy piece to take dabs

stay hidden from the camera flash

Its such a splash,everything Ive done...tiny ripple drowned by the sun

I live off of cash...mostly go to the bank to talk to the teller

I never tell her anything Ive done...just flirt like Lewis did

like grandfather //// like son

I tear through the evening with this heaving lungs

I'm just happy I haven't come undone...yet

and that all I receive is in some way a debt

to the universe

to the blood that's been shed

I see the orb in my chest again

as if it tugs me in a predetermined location

I close my eyes and let it bend my will again

my biggest fear is that its so much easier to give in.

I read more burroughs as the mushroom burgers on the grill sizzle & spit

I remember years ago...in orlando...feeling like time had split

I think that was the moment it wasnt my choice to give up nor in

that this fire in my belly was lit by billions of candles...as the world spins.

I left it all on some subway car

in queens...sometimes sunrise gets the better of me

losing all hope in Laguardia...like it ever meant anything

I believe it just hinged on a resemblance of belief

I’m back in Denver,years later

still going over what you meant to me

mean

whatever I'm trying to say is just array.

I see the error of my ways was being so brutally honest

when your reality was nothing but truth

you needed something to latch on that was larger in scope then a promise

and much less than a God...a firm belief in an equal who could see as you saw.

I hope you’ve found that

I think I have,but I now understand whats at hand

why everything has been so hard...

how people never leave,they just re appear when things seem hardest

except you...and I hope its not because you think I didnt accept you

you are everything that is beautiful in a human at once

but the forest is a dark one...we all have burdens to bare

I don’t scare very easily...neither do you

I think that’s why we move the way we do

peoples instinctive travels and routes

I hope I see you again...on the other-side of the world...happy in the light you shine so magnificent...being whom you are...doing as you do

write a whole master of works

just to watch them burn

a whole multitude of progress

practice is church

I think I see myself in the sunrise

so full of hope & anticipation

I fancy myself a mountain range

so stable,only eroded by the rivers & rain

In this I take solice

like no fears could ever consemate

not while I breathe

not as this pulse in my heart beats

I drink my cups of coffee over a few graphic novels

quietly as the day creeps

I believe I was made for this.

"how frightning" I think.

my extremities were worn thin

If I had a dime for every time I was in a tail spin

& did a perfect somersault with a dramatically late parachute release

winter is coming…might as well douce everything in bleach

I prefrance

this isnt all about myself,just mostly its my main concern

Im unceartin about the future…to say the very least Im burning

alive…like an atom bomb to light a camp fire

I fear no closure

just mere release

mushrooms at dawn

alone on a 14.

I think it was what I saw when I finally drove home

all points come and everything glows.

everything dies.

it is of the universe.

K.O.S / divine intervintion

maybe its all intention

maybe I’ll see truth in another dimension

its just so hard sometimes to envision whom one is