donate to ya boy

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

333

I could say the right word
do the exact thing that makes you live again
speak no artifical hope
blow nothing but quality dope smoke until my lungs whistle like a train
Ive sprained these thumbs trying to get a ride
night in and night out
ive got a boquet of lies thats nothing to write home about
but you
youve got the most painfully beautiful deep and sad eyes
I want you to ride this crossroad boxcar over the pautomic down to the gulf
spend a night
in cresent city as we drink until the suns been up all morning
spend another night at the levy
armed with trainwreck and a semi automatic weapon
in the morning
coffee and a 7 hour trip down I-10
austin comes quick with no hints of assasination attempts
a glimpse into the daily happenings of a classy gentleman
ease
listening to my heart beat
ive felt my feet tap out relays
nothing stays the same
in these the otts
a rude way to constrict time and space in new ways
ive found odd times where the moon and sun shined so bright ive laid intertwined
in the ideas that i had,finally, lost my mind
though I place these notes into a bottle and toss it to sea
hopefully someone out there is just as confused as me
just as open to turning the course of this water tredding submarine
just as noble as a facade of revelry
no more understatements
only factual agreements that we had been stuck
move
stick
move
glimpse into the overgrowth

Monday, February 14, 2011

no water...only pumpin mountain dew

slugs of electrolytes is bout the only thing keepin me alive as of late
bump.bump.bump
cocaine sundays is forced upon the brainstem...
ah youthful bliss...the exact equivilant to retarted arrogance
go to wal greens...get some syrenges
in order to assist in your death...I must spot shoot into my chest..
ABSYSS
it glistenes in the sun...so rest...
now run until your hearts pumping motor oil
or swallow the next round of my doctor perscriptions with a bottle of london
...card game after card game...
a gentlemans way to end the flurry of bullet bed ridden sins
settle down girls...ill cum again..the vital organs are just as tired as I was..
but celbacy seems like the way to keep these ladies as entertained as I be
ratata tatatatt
dead is what this heart be
alive from the constant lady bug stings from all over the country
swiss cheese from all the love thats games ive been risking since my first clit
falling asleep while praying to the LORD I see the MORNING
mourning times come again,but another bottle of adavant wont kill me
another line of oxy codene will only poc mark my skin
in the midst of drug abuse the days turn into a long march to the end
the only way to forget about all this is get back to the elongated sentence i say to myself
"jesus loves me...and all that other shit."

^%&*(()__

scooters...vacation...fall
mall...states...holocaust
lost...moms...pedafile
chainsaw...LSD...cincinatti
agraphobia...GOD...lust
summer...blumpkin...mushrooms
psychosis...heat-wave...train station

and you would...


mention relentlessly that the only thing holding you back is me..we were holding the reigns of our own life...and you misdirected your speech when you started feeling sorry for what you preceive my time to be...as any opiate addict will tell you the relif is only temporary...the relif is replaced by a release...the release is a net for your feet
and the blood rushes to your head.

ive been coming down for years now
ive been cleaning out my ears and ounly found my frontol lobe
ive been crying myself out of sleep to awake drenched in tears
fearing the only thing ill do now is tear down i-70...intentions on burning denvers streets to the underground


saturn crashes into the clouds
you wake up on a day such a today and you say: consumerisim dosent have its grip on me...and you tryied to be strong on christmas...but you got shit faced and one of your best friends said he railed that bitch...you know...the one you wanted to have valentines day with...but thats denver...this is pittsburgh...no new set of rules...just no one to talk to..its one of those few times i feel like breaking down and crying...hidding the fact that i am not strong...im just lost....scared...like all of us...but out my saftey zone...no nets to catch me...haha fuck it...i have a smile...so no sad lonely phone calls for me tonight to one of the sets of eyes across the united states...no arms rapped around my chest...no lover saying she loves me...or the concept she sees...no gently sweat kissed palms with their fingers intertwined in mine...no sweet kisses to my temple as my arms wrap around her thighs...im comfortable with suicide...its just not the time...no martyrisim in the years that individuality is the only thing worth dying for...ive been coughing up sand since i woke up,my face cleaned...only streaked by the saltwater rivers on these dust covered cheeks...in a swirling wind of the shit storm we kicked up i looked to my best friends to look into me...they say im a lunatic...i miss sam...joe...brent...I miss those nights in the brothel when i was the only man between two houses full of women...i miss those bike rides threw the graveyard to escape washing dishes for a living...to escape my Public defenders conversations...I miss those fridays where i cuddled with my mother watching television until pops and brother came home...i miss justin...sometimes i want to fall victum to to mexican train tracks,whisky and bennys...this is for neal cassidy the back bone to this fucked up brainstem I roll with consistently...I havent seen a doctor since the seizures began...since the ideas of how much diteriation can occur in a four year GO..I cough up my lungs into the night...I tempt fate again in the morning...I break down in a pile of myself on the floor...covered in snot tears and hope...that tomorrow wont feel like this suburban curse of cookie cutter homes...cookie cutter women...I bash my forehead threw the stain glassed window of the local church...i quietly laugh and mumble...give me back my bullets...ive been torn threw the machinery of slavery in the mask of salvation for no other reason then being the SON...of what I preceive as a reality...I miss her...the one that started this all...ill sanp her neck if i see her again...or ill stand there..awkward,,,not say a word then be hit in the mouth for not being in love...as she sees it

Saturday, February 12, 2011

≈≤߬圕º–∑ø∆

Ive got this gut feeling,she resides down 35 from my old folks home.Ive got this sarcastic backbone...in the mountains,somewhat of a clone,but a little more intense then bull riding a dinosaur.Ive got this card up my sleeve,and she and I would fool the minons who be,slaving away now...as she seems to be. I had my bumble bee...but thats years ago now..my mind at the present lay four hours south west at a birthday party for this girl I met a month ago...writing a book about driving across country writing a book...and I finally just want to talk to someone. This isnt lust im feeling in any sense...nor is it love because ive been there before..no this is a cosmic kick in the teeth of some great repeating cycle of diminensonal interloop that I just introduced into playing with or puting concept into two sentences ago...im having these dreams and their all lives ive lived before...maybe its from being raised by television since birth,but im alarmed...and so are others and their armed..ive got some clothes,documents and ideas with me...I dont even say a word about it to her...it feels like i have butterflies in my stomach being torn apart in a black hole..i cant explain simple theroies ive been toying with for months...Im confused to if shes my savior or my eden of this garden full of pomegranates...four letter words are scarce in her presence...i cant test the waters of full on speech yet...i mutter regrets outloud and intensely quiets...its as awkward as it sounds and seems it would be...shes the mary magnoland to my skanky jesus...look and act and its all sweet and precious till were sharing chairs eating with each other stairing at bear and lou on a monday afternoon...I liked it...anyway I neglect to say other things (like drinking a beer before lunchtime (even worse we had breakfast for lunch so it seemed earlier then 2))...my times off anyway...ive been sailing across country an a manifest destiny type of mission living my american dream...things i need for my head...and once words can accuratley define the glory ive seen threw these eyes...then maybe ill have the balls to talk her into making an indian headress with I...us playing shaman and cheif...living in a teepee smoking dmt...or nothing at all...because generally her talks calm me more than the roll of smoke has ever done...I laugh harder too...three quarters of a decade and another bowl threw...and I have the audacity to talk about this...this...its been what it is for centuries now...shilverys not dead...you just have to bring em out,BRING EM OUT!...what woman dosent secretly to have a reminder that some one cares...what man dosent...im not on a panty raid...because thats what we want to think that all there is...is more...but friends are there when you need them the most...and if you destroy every notch on that bed post...which whore will comfort you more...which one do you look to the most..number 4...4...which woman will you have to hold...the one who has your child, or the one who you call your old ball and chain,the one who wants you home...i call for my queen of the road...my power animal is a lion...i wait for a lioness to approach...and if she did....after all these generatoins of a metaphysical and spiritual changes maybe I have found that ship mate...i ll do my best to give her the galaxy...and a bathtub that she can smoke blunts in with me...gold feet...a window on a mountain over looking the sea...i kinda understand what leah was saying new years eve...or one of those pesky days of the week...that dont even exsist in my reality

Thursday, February 10, 2011

A Plee...and some new music

Racisim thrives silently at the top of the ascended ladder of our political system. Globalization at its basis is uthinasia..the ghettos skeletons are being picked dry by the government vultures that circle our camps waiting to introduce the next big SCARE..and my brothers and sisters are HUMAN! Their culture may have origonated over seas or down south,but by god their just like you or me. I see the fear in the eyes of children...sweet deprogramed puppets...listen to your gangstar rap,bust your caps and fuck your bitches...sit down and mull over how empty you are...hit the clubs,choke down as much liquor as you can...its sad when our heros have gone from carl lewis to the situation...he seems like he may be a genuine guy...but MTV got to him first and he never staired aldof hitler in the eye...I wish I could say it was as simple as color too...but no its the peaseants to the monarchy...the dark ages are coming again and the only way to pull it out is a renissance...being a student of history i feel comfortable saying this..and being a student of logic I feel as though we've lost a collective brain of art and culture to a WAY things are suppose to be betrayed..the next picasso...the next tupac or biggy...but what about the next obscure charecter that comes out of no where..I'm not saying some one from this generation will be that one,or maybe even the next...but were long over due for a speaker who can reach deep into the heart of the world... introduce the concept of faith without organized dictated religon,or fear mongrul media using gurillea propoganda...oh these arent new concepts love...these are the same things humans have always been fighting for...these are the same controling forces with diffrent names,funded by another various source who is using a simlar technique thats done before,therefore the only way to combat is with a new set of war drums that have never been beaten...lets collectively sit down and use this media before it becomes the way of the sea...poluted and controled by the powers that be video

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

MY NEW MUSIC

video

raleigh

I woke up today more scared then ive ever been. Those sudden realizations that you cant have everything...you can god damn try...but it may not be how the way youd envisoned it. I feel so genuine,so vunerable. I just want to lay in her arms,as she rocks me to an old time string band. I been drinkin so much moonshine lately...it seems the way to do it out here in these ol appalations ...so I hope I can make it to ashville so if i die there at least my mama will know i was free as the rain..shes so beautiful...shes got these eyes that are like head lights in a snow storm on a beast coast free ride..hugging the turns of raleigh down threw the land of the pine..we couldda made camp at that rest stop and itd been better than all the wonderful past few nights...I wake up cold every morning it seems,but her thoughts aint to far behind. My smile gets as wide as the sun,and even threw the cloud it breaks threw as I lay next to the star fishs on this coast we made down in 17 hours...it may be 55 outside...but I been in the rockies since two summers ago..now im hopin in ohio i can see this angel tonight... I hear the trains yelling and brakein,i think about thumbin my way to up state new york...leavin it all behind and becoming the CEO of whichever corporation I feel,have a beautiful mansion...stepford wife.. with the perfect aryan children who nod and smile...but Id rather get naked and eat pomegrantes in an indian headress compltely covered in paint... as she dances...whispers...or even just lays next to me...I just been running from the coldness of my old heart and shes about the only blanket that hasent had a hole yet...it aint love...its that smile you can never wipe off your face..the one you press your cheeks up so much you tear up..only tastin the salt as you pretend to be asleep on the couch...smiling threw the sunbeams in the seems of the tapestrys..your about the sweetest thing I could ever see...you are my very definition of hope...and as her light glows and shines for the world...i become entranced by the thought of these "rooms." these "homes" that are spoke of...hmm...its just a thought

Monday, February 7, 2011

VA FAMILY

I have family across the country
VA holds one of them
theres james young in richmond who does photos
rachel brady,my sunday morning denver date lady...when i needed to escape to the platte to recooperate
I could watch her dance the night away
and ben,her man
my man too,his red version link cables to my blue
pokemon trades did ensue
but then theres charlotesville
high in the shanadoah valley is how I see my life
there all in my generation,with recognizable faces,nomadic people with a home base
car pools and righteous aptitude
sweet souls,with hearts of golden wood
we climb mountains and huddle in mini vans to stay warm
we run down pride rock singing old gangstarr songs
we reenact katt williams skits at the top of the mountain
the appalations are so warm it shivers our bones
we joke we should have brought a tv to the peak...we needed something to watch
J Os crying,
we leave him alone
I feel him though,I want to give up on hope because of old loves
but chelsea wont let me
her and charlies love resonates deep
she feeds me french fries and sings "I just cant wait to be king" with me
kelsey wont let me give up either,she hugs me and we try to figure out why we hurt so bad
we draw pictures on her floor while john sings and slides the guitar with alighter in his hand
genieve walks in
we were suppose to meet up in new orleans
its better in virgina.
Im here shadow the next day,a real life college student
eating in the mess hall
spocking her brain,enjoying our day
sleeping in the front room together only to stay warm
its cold outside
sneaking into psychology on the campus of lacoste and north face
we meditate,play the djembe and let genevieve and john sing and play piano all night
every woman in charlottesville shines a light of their own
i even found myself cleaning their entire home
singing stevie nicks in my socks
designing tattoos for josef as he explains how to navigate the streets
wiley was totally right,you feel your way around va
harrison and i smoke camels and talke buisness until the morning came
he shares a similar vision
james echling reads his poetry to me about law and order
hes older,crazy
but hey
we come off our trips with chicken salad bagels and grilled cheese
i could see myself growing up here

Roots

new mission i guess in the new days...so i ask my muse this morning for inspiration..what should i write about...? what armani suit would best define my charecter. How loud should datsik be? the old woman next door needs a little wamp in her being,shit the same as me. were both eatin perscription drugs,mines for her knees,,,just kidding. Hunter S. Thompson covered the whole drug thing..im tired of trying to be old bull lee...ill keep his name though,and smoke ciggarettes for a few more months..sell a car buy an rv,as the souls of mischeif,i give it all i got,thats all i got to give.you got live and let live.

Collective Consciousness of Light and Love

It gets no realer when you preceive what you see as reality. No preaching only questions and,for lack of a better term,an oozie filled with words,which cut wat depper then those hollow tip bullshits. Its so weird how every ones a thug in the 21st year,or century,or whatever label some dude said it is. Sheetz for the kidz is so over played,theres enough drugs around the country to feed a family,but we destroyed the indians customs probaly because Alexander hamilton ate some psychocycliciban,had a really bad trip,and was scared of a headress..its just a theory...but who knows maybe im wrong,maybe the matrix and corporate conglomarates really do know whats really going on,because I sure dont. I see honest hard working americans lending a helping hand to complete strangers,buying me a cheeseburger because im trying to trade a watch some where in west virgina. Compassion isnt dead,self righteousness may be thriving,but even if the money or time or friendship is given for a wrong reason,at least it happend. At least I'm not delivering pizza at dominos,coming home at 4 in the morning ,drinking myself into obliveration,doing lines of whatever the fuck i could score,making beats,then playing video games until the rest of the house left for school and I rapped my lungs out making song after song,pouring out my heart and my soul. I miss you justin calva,man it just feels good to write your name,to cry onto this keyboard,to release that pain thats torn my heart since that day you passed man. You already know him,friends, hes that smile all over the world.Those dimples that look surgically imposed,like kirby in austin,or austin for that matter...still we run,because fear is the heart of love. And I know its a got damn death cab lyric people but give me a break,writings hard when pain fades. It becomes this wild experience,youve felt it in your work...that rush...the accomplishment..all those dirty words you mumble under your breath while you stomp your feet and beat those thighs like war drums. I found myself in florida,oh I wish I could convey to you the holy spirit I felt,it had nothing to do with any religon,just a light and shining flowing energy. Ive claimed for years I belive in all,all religons teach us somthing valuable,but also corporations are like leechs...they know their morals...they know their limits...pirannahs will eat you while your swimming next to so the person youd never thought would push you in..trials by fire light the road by night. Dont be afraid to say hi to a stranger,it may save their life.We all know those chicken soup for the soul books,I used to read that shit on the toilet every damn time at joe kemps house,or brent tittle,probally all of them,maybe none of them...but you catch my drift.

Ive never seen light so pure as i do with my muse,I feel creepy but their are sometimes when shes the only one in the room..for hours ive watched her hoola hoop,no matter who was talking to me,or trying to tell me where to go,because I know in my heart,you travel down your own road,and the best way is to do it naked,cold and alone. NO. One more,two more,three millon more,meet them on the road,trust your heart be weary of your surroundings,never get to comfortable,because we all have limits and to push them is an act of complete rigimortis of ones light they bestow on this world. We use this brain once,so we must share it with as many people as possible,to make it better for people to feel ok about not having to pay a toll for unselfishiness,because it all gets paid forward.We need not to be weary but to look for the signs,feel the love that resonates from each and every eye,wether wide,tiny,or normal sized,every one has a purpose to be alive.Oh dont think its all glitz and glammer,theyll steal your ideas to manifest thier own destiny...especially when I was younger I felt the presense of my elders guiding me as some sort of obi wan...call em guardian angels,call them a manifestation of hallucenations of a small possible schitzophrenia,or call it being so in tune with the energy that flows threw each and every heart that my light shines pure...I dont need riches,nor do I need gold.I dont need hoopdies,I dont need XBOX,I dont need swords.A fishing pole a tenet,an rv and a home base,and a bunch of family members I just met introducing each other to the rest of the gang.Have you ever seen the leprachaun in mobile alabama,you know...I wanna know where the gold at...well the guy with leprachaun flute who had it passed down from his great grandfather many many centuries ago (it looked like a bong I made out of pvc pipe once) said somthing that resonates with me to this day:

"Don't be afraid man...don't be afraid!"

Sunday, February 6, 2011

yonder

3 months on the workforce
6 more weeks in jail
18 months on the road
one shamans words are the only ones that resonate in this rockie heart of ours
but it always got warmer in columbus
when our heads were balloons filled with more than oxygen
she shares it
my hope
my dreams
a vision
and if its how the world began
then its how the world will end.
with or without the rest of the kids
Im not scared
shes there
were here,with them,and us
its so vague but it resonates like the space heaters we warmed up with.
This is to those days where you were the only one in the room
my muse
those hurt glances from my constant self destruction
that laughter from the enya
maybe the kenny g
the empty space filled with the flick of a bic lighter
her eyes as wide as mine
only illuminated by the black light
worm uses the highlighter to write
you shake your feet,all I can do is smile
the whole time Im wild with desires
nothing nasty,
I want to hear your mind
I already know it though,some past life
our souls are so old
my mind is so high
fuck drugs.
fuck drunk.
fuck doses,though were on some.
it dosent even matter anymore,if the world were to crumble then id be ok
i met who ive needed to meet
and id be fourty miles from denver,and 16 hours from home
who would have known
life is better when the road becomes the most beautiful time youve ever been shwon

State of the Union: A Call to Farms

So alot of negative energys been floating around as of late.I dont mean between us kids,just this world. Great Depression 2.0,globalization and brotherly love at,maybe not an all time low,but a ceartin mistrust. I'am young...learning...becoming a man in the hardest way I need,because college wasnt for me. Jobs werent for me. Jail deffinatly was a mistake and the mountains made me hate who I was for a few days. We have such this short beautiful life,one time to do the things we feel are right. One night can change lives,and if thats the truth,then one idea can manifest a new destiny. A new change,a new way to think. Im not calling for a revolution full of smoke and charred bodies,thats so old school. Im talking about intergration into a system that is working so magneficently one kink isnt really going to effect things,but a wrench into the machinery is a diffrent story. I want to incorporate the beautifulness of every individual with no central power system,only open fourum that will have to go all night if it must. Im tired of being unhappy,and seeing all you people I love unhappy and working for some preverbial "man",im asking for ideas to share with mine so we can conglomeratley shape a future for ourselves absent of fear and built on love.A pipe dream it is of course,the basis of logic says nothing more than a group of individuals need time to coexsist. LOOK AT WHAT WE'VE BUILT TO THIS POINT: documentries,journals,blogs. to my brethren back home an army and coalition of the future leaders and movers and shakers of dallas fort worth,austin...the family of columbus and athens...charleston...denver...ashivlle...LA...san fran...and I know were all strangers at this point to the rest...but hell threw this got damn technology the world is smaller then we precive it to be. Ideas are only ideas until the time to act has come..to know that is that time is an act of complete lunacy and a point of self confidence,knowledge of ones self, and the love that I feel in the heart of each and every single one of you..which is why I ask if you dont know me from adam or have known me for centuries...the time is here.

I envision a family,a society moving all working completly free of a central leader with umbrellas of their own corporations and ventures,coexsisting and pusing for peace almost as an entity.Parlimentry,democratic and buissness rooted in moral ethics. Grass roots to the moon. If your with me,seperatly message your ideas concerns and dreams,if your sceptical,I love you and understand

remember they love you but jesus loves you best,so I bid you good night.